Should I tell my difficult STBX when I’m applying for the divorce petition?

When you apply for the petition, you need to prove that your STBX has received it. You can divorce without their permission, but not without the courts knowing that they know, that they are being divorced.

So whichever method it’s easier to prove your STBX has received it, is the one to use. If they are a reasonable person and returns the AOS (Acknowledgment of Service) form to say they’ve received the petition, then great. With that kind of STBX, it’s worth letting them know in advance that the petition is on its way, and that all they need to do is respond, returning the AOS form. Straightforward. And you are just being polite so they don’t have a shock when it arrives.

If however your STBX is likely to pretend they never received it, or just sit on it and not respond – then consider not giving any warning.

Instead, AFTER you know they will have received it, email/text/Whatsapp – whatever communication method they respond to most quickly – and say something about the petition. “Looking forward to moving this forward now that you have received the petition. Have you sent the response back yet?” kind of thing.

Hopefully, your STBX will respond. If they say something that shows they have received it, then the court may accept that as proof.

Sadly, the courts don’t send the petition either by post or email in a way where they can confirm it’s been received. This whole issue would be resolved if they did.

You could always try sending a copy of the petition by registered post or tracked email where you set it up to prove if it’s been opened, or Whatsapp where you can see if it’s been read. Technically this isn’t ‘proof’, but if you can show they did open it and they respond in a way that shows they’ve seen it – perhaps they’ve shared an angry message on social media – I’m told this can be seen by a reasonable family court that your STBX knows full well you have petitioned for divorce.

Though you might be unlucky and get the family court like the one in Cornwall, who recently made one poor woman have to pay for a bailiff to serve the petition on her Ex, even though his comments on social media made it abundantly clear he’d received the petition!

The good news is, that even if you have to pay for the petition to be served by the court in person, at least your STBX can’t contest the divorce itself, and you don’t need to lay any blame. Things are getting better. Slowly.