Research

Posted By: Daniela B on 13/07/2022 at 14:45

Hi Suzy. I’ve done some research last night and realised that my stbx has a lot of narcissistic tendencies/behaviour patterns. So according to that, he is not able to use reason and logic, and mediation would not work. People with these traits will go to great lengths to destroy the other person. I’m sure you know more about it. That’s why i would like to ask you if you can help me or point me to the right sources/online info/people etc that can show me how to deal with a narcissistic father that wants to win the custody of the child.
How do i deal with him in the meantime while i’m waiting to change the locks or move out? (I know about keeping communication short and emotionless, but do i play reverse phychology? In some places it says yes , some no. He is already provoking me, filming me, harrassing me and stepping over my boundaries.
Thank you


Latest Comments 2

Firstly, Ruth Driscoll specialises in this area and she is the ideal person to have further sessions with. Secondly, deciding that you can’t use mediation just because someone is a narcissist is absolute bollocks. It’s the kind of rubbish that I have to deal with all the time. Don’t believe that for one minute because the alternative is usually Court, and that is a playground for narcissists - they have a great time with the court system. However the way you prepare for mediation is key, the way you do the mediation, with someone like Joanne who uses breakout rooms and manages a Mediation carefully, and if you do use court because they drag you into it, then you self represent and don’t allow the fees to get huge because that’s exactly what they’ll try to do. Making things accountable is key. Which is why keeping records in the coparenting resources is a smart idea, and not expecting any form of reasonableness. Very strong boundaries. Luckily most narcissists are not stupid, and they don’t like wasting a load of money if they don’t have to. So if they don’t think going to court is going to scare you, or leave you penniless because you’re just not going to spend thousands on Legal support, then they might often think that Mediation would be a better option for them because it’s cheaper, quicker, and they believe they can probably bully you. But if you prep correctly and follow the advice that I’ve given, they will not be able to bully you. In court, they have far more opportunities to bully you so please don’t give up on Mediation just because some lawyer or so-called narcissism expert has told you that Mediation doesn’t work. this is particularly true when you’re fighting battles over children rather than finances. Using the courts for defined contact orders for example, is fine - but it’s about being very precise about how you use court. If you start going into court to have some kind of battle, everyone loses and usually so do the children.

14:52 13/07/2022
suzy Miller

Best Way To Divorce Firstly, Ruth Driscoll specialises in this area and she is the ideal person to have further sessions with. Secondly, deciding that you can’t use mediation just because someone is a narcissist is absolute bollocks. It’s the kind of rubbish that I have to deal with all the time. Don’t believe that for one minute because the alternative is usually Court, and that is a playground for narcissists - they have a great time with the court system. However the way you prepare for mediation is key, the way you do the mediation, with someone like Joanne who uses breakout rooms and manages a Mediation carefully, and if you do use court because they drag you into it, then you self represent and don’t allow the fees to get huge because that’s exactly what they’ll try to do. Making things accountable is key. Which is why keeping records in the coparenting resources is a smart idea, and not expecting any form of reasonableness. Very strong boundaries. Luckily most narcissists are not stupid, and they don’t like wasting a load of money if they don’t have to. So if they don’t think going to court is going to scare you, or leave you penniless because you’re just not going to spend thousands on Legal support, then they might often think that Mediation would be a better option for them because it’s cheaper, quicker, and they believe they can probably bully you. But if you prep correctly and follow the advice that I’ve given, they will not be able to bully you. In court, they have far more opportunities to bully you so please don’t give up on Mediation just because some lawyer or so-called narcissism expert has told you that Mediation doesn’t work. this is particularly true when you’re fighting battles over children rather than finances. Using the courts for defined contact orders for example, is fine - but it’s about being very precise about how you use court. If you start going into court to have some kind of battle, everyone loses and usually so do the children.

14:51 13/07/2022
suzy Miller
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