Reply to ex and/or mediator
Posted By: Daniela on 16/08/2023 at 15:51
I have read ex’s email.
I am going to take some time to think and consider all my options before I make a decision. In the meantime I am going to explore some financial options as well and get advise. All this will take some time. I think it’s better to say: we’ll come back to you when we’re both ready and in the meantime I am happy to continue with what we’ve discussed and agreed in mediation so far.
I would also like to remind ex the importance of shielding our child from adult conversations, as it’s not emotionally healthy for our child and I know we both want the best for him.
Message to ex: (maybe a direct email to him)
I know you are a good man and I know you want the best for Benjamin as much as I do and because of that, arguing in front of our son and bringing him in the middle of our adult dispute is very damaging for his emotional and mental wellbeing. And I know you know that.
It is important that you and I are able to work on a healthy pattern of communication.
From what I understand, you want child’s passport to be shared between us, 6 months each, however, I want to be open and honest with you. At this moment in time I am unable to trust you with this or your intentions behind this, because of the way things have broken down between us, especially the serious events that breached my privacy, confidentiality and trust.
I would like us to try our best to start building trust by following strictly the commitments we made so far in mediation.
I want to let you know that our son was very upset and felt let down when you didn’t keep up your commitment to pick him up at 9:30am on Sunday 6/8/23 to start his holiday with you, and more so the commitment to protect him from adult conversations, when he heard you talking about the passport and the way you spoke to me on the phone and later on in person, that day. I found this very distressing for me too.
We are both equally important in child’s life and he loves us both, and when he sees us trying to blame one another, that’s not healthy for him.
It would be really helpful if we would be able to be really mature in the way we’re handling this, for the sake of our child by not discussing any matters relating to our financial arrangements or our co-parenting plan – including talking about the passport in front of our child or in the earshot of him being around.
I’m asking you to start thinking about how this will work moving forwards so we remove the conflict in our communications, because it’s important for our child to see his parents working together to support each other with co-parenting.
I feel we both need time to reflect on the best way forward.