Message to ex
Posted By: Daniela on 25/01/2023 at 11:01
Hi Suzy.
I want to send ex this message.
What do you think? Anything i need to change or add?
“I just want to let you know that i do not want you to come into my room anymore , except when you need to wake our son up and get him dressed for school when I’m at work on Mon and Tue. After school in your time with him and weekend day in your time, please use your room for all activities (meals, play etc). I can leave toys and spare clothes for him to change into, outside your room.
I trust this will give you enough time, until you next have our son on Saturday, to clean and tidy up your room, ready for him to spend the time with you there.
Thank you for respecting my request/private space. (?)”
Shall i mention the lock now, or if he doesn’t do the above?
(I’m waiting to apply for the flat and see if i get accepted)
Thank you.
Shall i add this? " I do want to mention to you something that I have found very distressing and that is, when our son calls out for you during my time with him, you’re coming straight into my room, my space. I understand why you’re doing that, because he is calling you. However, it is an invasion of my privacy and my time with him and it is causing me distress. It would be actually far better manners for you to just wait and reassure him saying : “Let mummy deal with you now”. Now, to be honest with you, one thing that I’ve been considering doing is actually putting a lock on my door. But I don’t want to have to do that, because I want to be able to trust you."
Daniela
Thanks. So shall i mention the lock now? If so how do i say it? (Or shall i wait and see if he ignores my request? Thank you
Daniela
Hello So that seems very reasonable - but as I keep saying, if he ignores it there are no consequences. No clear boundaries in place. You could actually be giving him more practice at ignoring you. Even if you will be staying for just a month (notice period?) then a lock on the door would make sense. Otherwise - what’s the point?
Suzy Miller