Latest solicitor talk
Posted By: Daniela on 05/01/2023 at 21:04
Hi Suzy. So the solicitor called to advise that the NMO and Occupational order are to be used as last resort and advised me to think of moving out first instead. From what i feel from her is that although he has no legal rights etc… it feels as though to prove to the judge “significant harm” to me …. it may need more police involvement etc….
Although emotional and psychological abuse are taken into consideration, you still need some significal cohersive control situations for them to consider it…. that’s what i felt she was trying to say….
If i move out she advised me to apply the first one to court , before ex, for Child arrangemets order, so the judge can see i am not trying to stop him from seeing our son.
For that i need to have a MIAM Mediation session to get a form signed to apply to court.
She advised to send the letter first and maybe add the Mediation option and the Splitsmart co-parenting plan so he is aware of this in a formal way.
And she said now the weekend is coming , is better to send the letter on Monday, in case something happens, and he reacts badly or whatever and i need her advice, she didn’t want to leave me alone over the weekend so on Monday i can call her if i need her.
Now, when i previously spoke to some Domestic abuse charity or council (can’t remember) they told me that if i need refuge they will have to relocate me in another county.
A lady who knows my situation, today spoke to me and said, in order for me to heal and move on and to be able to be parent our son properly, i need to move away totally from this environment. Move house, school, church, new friends everything….I keep thinking, she’s right.
1. What do you think?
2. Move via refuge or shall i try again to find a flat by myself?
3. When i move, if i go via the refuge people, will they assisst me on the day so ex cannot stop me taking our son?
4. If i move, how do i establish for ex to see our son? Via contact centre? Or just give the son to him for the day?
5. He might call the police to say i took our son away etc…. so do i need to go to MIAM before i move, so when i’m out i will have everything ready to apply for Child arrangements order?
So that seems quite different from what you told me you were originally advised, but ultimately, you leaving has always been the quickest way for you to move on and set proper boundaries. But once again, you seem to be jumping to extreme situations when he may just leave after he gets the legal letter. You MUST have a lock on your door. IF he tries to break in for any reason, you call the police and option one, is that they then agree to apply for a non-molestation order which saves you going to court. If for some reason they fail to do anything, which would be odd, then option two, a refuge would make sense whilst you applied for an occupation order so you could get back into your flat without him being there. But right now, there is a chance he will take stock from the solicitors letter and see that you are serious about him vacating the flat. So why not try that first???? Has he ever hit you? Have you fear of physical harm? If not, and it's the verbal bullying and lack of boundaries that is the issue here, then that is still enough to make the police want to protect you IF he breaks into your bedroom when it's locked. This is why you must make your Ex KNOWS it is locked (in writing/proof it's been read/opened). Resorting to a refuge is very extreme and should be a last resort if you genuinely feel unsafe, or if the police fail to support you. But so far, they've been quite helpful haven't they? Re. Child arrangements order - you can do that yourself (via Families Need Fathers charity helpline and forms - info is in the coparenting toolkit area.) Yes, have the coparenting plan etc all ready, as we've discussed so many times before. Why would you need a contact centre? The only reason would be if your spouse had no-where else to see his son and he requested it. Or if you were in danger or your son was in danger. But that's not the case, is it? Your Ex may want to apply for a child contact order, but you'll have all the info ready to prove that he has plenty of access to his son. But not in your flat! You could go for the child contact order immediately if you want, but you don't need to pay hundreds to a solicitor as FNF can help you as mentioned. Also, you don't just use the mediation as a tick box for divorce. Joanne might persuade him to leave - so mediation is a good option if your Ex will comply. And when he gets a legal letter, he just might, if he's smart. Does that all make sense? - Give your Ex a printed copy of the coparenting plan current draft so he can see he has plenty of time with his son - Put a lock on your bedroom door. -Make sure your Ex knows it's there and he mustn't come into your room (your son can sleep in your Ex's room when he has his time with him) - keep the boundaries clear. - He gets the letter on Monday. - Get evidence that he's received it. Then see what he decides - trying to make decisions in advance is pointless. See what he decides to do next. The letter makes it plain that if he stays, he will be subjected to court action.