Cohersive control possibly
Posted By: Daniela on 29/12/2022 at 19:36
Yesterday after i spoke to you, on my way home, i had a small car accident and my driver door is slightly bent but it closes and everything is fully functional.
As ex knows i’m planning to take our son away for 2 nights tomorrow…
Ex just texted me to say:” Your car doesn’t look safe to drive our son in. Are you getting a courtesy car?”
How do i deal with this?
I feel he just wants to control me and stop me from taking our son away for 2 nights.
I would make sure you have your son back in time to go to the party, fed and watered and ready to go. In the meantime, have a good time together and ‘don’t rush’ as your ex suggested. It just shows that when you communicate well you get a better reaction from your ex. Good work!
He texted me to ask where our son is and that he wants me to bring h8m back the next day as it is his day. I said our son is with me, safe and i will bring him back the next day after he wakes up and has breakfast. He responded: "As long as i bring him back around 5:30pm before the NY party is ok; told me not to rush". I was a bit surprised of his reaction. I was expecting so much worse. He didn't even ask about the car. But i send him an email with the report from the Full wheel allignement assessment which was all ok. So now it looks like he's not bothered about his day with our son as long as he has him for the party to show off. So do you think it looks like he is using me whenever it's convenient for him? Do you think i should have said:" i'll bring our son after breakfast anyway since you didn't want to swap with me" or Shall i tell him:" Since i ended up having our son for all day NY eve, apart from the party , then you have him tomorrow..." (like i originally set in the schedule, that he refused to accept and argued that i took his day.....) What do you think it's best to do? Or what i should have done about today? Thank you.
He can talk to him when he gets home. Or at the times you've set up in the coparenting plan. Make a set rhythm and stick to it as much as you can. When your ex is not about, then you can stick to it 100%. If you stick to the arranged plan, then everything is clear and consistent. If your ex one minute can talk to his son and then he can't then obviously he's going to get nervous about that understandably. But if you're simply sticking to the original plan that he's been blocking, then really, he's got nothing to worry about because he knows that there is a plan in place and that he will have plenty of time to speak with his son. So stick to what you have put in place in the parenting plan. (Breakfast time wasn’t it?) And maybe this is the time to create a storybook to explain that you are divorced, and that your son will still spend lots of time with his dad, even when his father moves out at some point when he’s found a new place (keep it vague - it’s not within your control to know when and where). If you don’t know the answer to a question, just say the truth. “I don’t know.” Ask your son how he feels about it and then just listen a lot. A lot of the time they don’t need an answer. They just need you to listen. Then go and have a lovely day together and give you some time to process and to ask questions if he needs to. Keep your answers short and simple. And if you don’t know the answer, just say that. Be patient.
If ex asks to talk to our son he may be trying to get info of where we are etc... Shall i refuse the call?
I'll record the session so if you don't make it in time, you'll get a fuller response that way in the recording.