Att: Noel
Posted By: Suzy Miller on 24/03/2025 at 23:33
Thanks for the update Noel. Yes, getting back in touch with Lisa and requesting a chat about how she can support you with DIY (which is more about you avoiding solicitors fees and only having to pay for the barrister – she can explain how that would work for you).
But equally, I would adapt the letter that sets out the need for avoiding court. This could all be sorted in mediation, with arbitration as the back up. If you need intros to mediators/arbitrators let me know. You’ll need to refer in the letter to what date you have informed you Ex about these options, and recorded her response. The letter is making clear to her that you will ask for costs if she is refusing to use mediation/arbitration. So don’t just send the letter – action those things first.
But you need to have spoken to the professionals and requested she choose who she wants to work with, and that way you can demonstrate to the court (if she refuses to try those options) that you have done everything you can to facilitate an out of court settlement. I would also refer to the parenting. plan – have you created one in dtour.life yet? – this is a great basis for an initial mediation and it demonstrates your pro-active, organised and reasonable approach to coparenting. This should be very detailed, not just about access. It demonstrates how well you think through the needs of children. And it can be used to back up what you want re. access if court is the only option you are given. And if you are forced to use court, apart from going for costs, you can also ensure that the court orders your ex to use Our Family Wizard as the sole form of communication (they have a court order template you can use).
https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=212922&u=1930759&m=25791&urllink=&afftrack=
Ruth Driscoll is great for helping with the coparenting plan, and getting the tone of Letter correct when adapting the draft template.
Joanne as a mediator can help persuade your Ex to participate as she can back up the fact that courts are starting to give costs against people who avoid staying out of court.
Hi Noel, I can introduce you to a solicitor who used to support dads through the charity Families Need Fathers (now Every Parent Matters) so he is very experienced in these situations. He is also a trained mediator and collaborative lawyer, and part of the Amicable Divorce Network UK - so he genuinely wants to reduce the use of the courts and will be highly ethical in his practice. In other words, he won't ramp up the bills unnecessarily and if you want to do some of this DIY, he can support that. To speak with him, you would have to book in a paid session for legal advice and then take it from there. I can introduce you via email. Let me know if that's what you want me to do. I think he would give you sensible advice and if you use a direct access barrister, then you don't need to pay for a solicitor to be in court as well, which keeps the costs down. Have you contacted Lisa with the new court dates? Lisa is happy to work with you if you have a solicitor advising you, but don't want them to be running the whole show - so you get advice from your solicitor and the writing up of legal orders etc, whilst the barrister argues your case in the court. Or you can hand it all over to a solicitor to liaise with the barrister - it just costs more that way. So your plan of getting the solicitor to write up the statement and the barrister for the court date, is a good one! Let me know if you would like the introduction to the solicitor, and confirm if Lisa is able to support you, or do you need to speak to another barrister? Best wishes Suzy
Suzy Miller