Divorce Group Chat

Have you completed this To-Do List?

Posted By: suzy Miller on 02/04/2024 at 10:07

Just shared this with a group member and it may be some of you will benefit from going through this check list:

To Do List:

– Book in calls with any professionals you have been introduced to. Have a chat with them, and plan the next steps where relevant.

– Access dTour.life and complete the Co-Parenting Plan using the template.

– Consider what else you need to included in the financial agreement related to the co-parenting. Who pays for University fees, school uniforms? What happens if one of you moves to different place? Gets a new partner? Consider all the options and their potential financial implications.

– Set up the Our Family Wizard co-parenting calendar (no more whatsapps/texts/emails – keep it all in the OFW App where nothing can be deleted!) – populate it with things there is no argument about – school dates; birthdays etc. It is a fantastic way to create boundaries and accountability in the coparenting relationship: https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=212922&u=1930759&m=25791&urllink=&afftrack=

– Include (when ready) who is with the kids and when – do this even if you are living in the same house. It may feel weird but the kids can get used to the rhythm and it’s less difficult for them when parents then begin to live apart as the rhythm stays the same.

– Put all your financial info/marriage certificate etc into dTour.life. Ask Suzy to invite in any professionals you are working with (and to then remove any later on you stop working with).

– When you are ready to have your financial agreement turned into a Consent Order : this company provide a very affordable service: https://www.paidonresults.net/c/29703/1/388/0/divorce-services/consent-order-services/clean-break-consent-order-service/

– Use the Chat in the Secret Divorce Group to ask questions, or share thoughts/epiphanies/concerns. It’s your space to share.

– Put the monthly Meetup dates in your diary.

– Think about the future – what is the world you are creating for yourself? Your kids want you to be happy so it’s your duty to focus on your own fulfilment and joy. Do you want to learn new skills? Plan a retirement abroad? Take up wild dancing and mountain climbing? Now is your chance. There may be financial implications and your financial planner’s job is not just to help you create an equitable split, but to facilitate your dreams. So what are those dreams?

– The Secret Divorce Group will provide for most of your needs ongoing – ask for intros to mediators etc. via the Chat – but if you do want more 1-1 support, that is available: SUBSCRIPTION 1-1 STRATEGY SESSIONS https://bestwaytodivorce.com/divorce-strategy-subscription/

Best wishes


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Posted By: suzy Miller on 07/11/2023 at 00:14

Please don’t leave comments on this post.

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Want to choose your avatar? If you are feeling like not just having a default smiley face avatar, feel free to update your ‘personal info’ and add a photo. You’ll find the link to ‘personal info’ on the top menu under Resource Hub, or the side menu when you are already inside the resource hub. Remember – you can keep your profile ‘anonymous’ with no photo added or a picture of your cat. You can change your name to be just your first name or initials. But this is a safe space – it’s not like a Facebook group – it’s on my website and only subscribers to the Secret Divorce Group can access it.

14:44 22/11/2023
suzy Miller
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Response to Andy’s questions

Posted By: suzy Miller on 16/05/2024 at 09:03

“ If the courts decide on settlement is it 50% split of everything or 50% split for the period of marriage on both assets & pension”

The split is usually based on the assets at the time of the divorce – so unless you have a pre/post nup saying otherwise, you literally put all assets and debts into an invisible pot and then split into two. If one person has greater need – kids or inability to work etc, that’s taken into account – but the best thing is not to try and leave some judge to work at how best to split things up because they often lack specialist skills. It should be you and an expert in finance like Henry, who I’ve introduced you to, working out the most efficient and sensible way to split the assets.

If someone has already been helping themselves to the assets without permission, then they may well get away with that if they can prove that money was used to sustain the family home or to live, but if it’s been spent on things that are nothing to do with the marriage or their core needs, then you could have a case to say that those amounts should be included in the marital pot.

The financial split is something to propose through mediation, which Henry can be invited to join in with to explain everything to the other spouse – with clear graphs and visual ways to understand the financial information that make it easy to see what is the best way to split these assets. There is absolutely no reason at all to make this decision happen with a judge, though if you provide the financial information in the same format, it will make it easier for them to make a better decision (so creating a cash flow forecast with Henry is an investment however the financial discussions proceed) – but it is vital to demonstrate that you want to stay out of court because if you do get dragged into court because the other person just doesn’t fancy mediation, then you have a case to ask for them to pay the court costs.

Issuing a letter offering to do the divorce amicably making use of the amicable divorce UK network is a good way to do this. There is a template letter that I will access and put into this group because it’s useful for everyone. It basically states that your intention is to stay out of court and mediation – and also arbitration is an option if not everything is agreed in mediation. All of this I explain in the workshop, which you have access to the recording from the February one I believe?

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P.S. I’ve resent your dtour.life link so you can add in all your financial info. If you decide to work with Henry or any of the other professionals, let me know and I’ll send them a link so that they can see all the information and you don’t have to be emailing them tons of bank statements.

09:43 16/05/2024
suzy Miller

Finally Andy - I’ll email you an example template of a letter making clear you intend to divorce amicably. There are two more letters that follow that, and encourage your spouse to commit to the process. This doesn’t have to be done via a lawyer. But if you want to use the Amicable Divorce set of letters it’s needs to be via one of the Amicable Divorce authorised professionals. That could be a mediator - or even me! I could adapt the templates and guide you in making sure your spouse signs up to the process as this would prove your intention to avoid court. If you want that extra support then I offer a 1-1 subscription which usually works out much more economical than booking in a full 1-1 session. <a href="https://bestwaytodivorce.com/divorce-strategy-subscription/" target="_blank">https://bestwaytodivorce.com/divorce-strategy-subscription/</a> Or you can just use the wording and create your own version DIY - and come and chat in the next meetup last Thursday of the month (part of your Secret Divorce Group subscription).

09:36 16/05/2024
suzy Miller

“ On the petition to divorce application - I want to discuss settlement and difficult spouse wants to leave to the courts to decide, do we both need to agree the same route to proceed?” On the petition you say whether the finances will be dealt with (ie. If there are no assets at all or pensions to split, you would not tick that box) - but you will be creating a Consent Order (refer back to the workshop) so you acknowledge that on the form. It’s nothing to do with the methods used. It’s not relevant. Just tick yes. Your spouse needs to understand that mediation (when you have your financial proposal properly laid out (cash flow forecast with Henry) is the cheapest quickest way (let me know when you want intros to Mediators) and if she wants court, you will request the court to make her cover all the costs on the basis it’s completely unecessary. Formally sending a letter making it clear you intend to stay out of court is important to document this (template to follow). As long as your financial proposal is reasonable, then she will gain nothing by going to court. But make sure she cannot dispose of assets so as soon as the petition goes in, make sure joint back accounts are closed if needed etc. If there are any moves to sell property or draw down on pensions/savings without your agreement or where a third party isn’t used to hold the funds until the consent order is agreed - then a court order may be needed to stop that happening. Lawyers to help with that are available - but hopefully won’t be required!

09:17 16/05/2024
suzy Miller
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Join us tonight for the Secret Divorce Group Meetup 8:35pm

Posted By: suzy Miller on 25/04/2024 at 14:52

Join us tonight for the Secret Divorce Group Meetup 8:35pm

This is the LINK to put in your diary:
Save this link for 8.35pm UK time, on the last Thursday of the month: Join Zoom Meeting (TONIGHT!)


Please do not share this – it is only for those who are members of the Secret Divorce Group.

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Tonight’s Meetup

Posted By: suzy Miller on 28/03/2024 at 18:47

So he will be joining me this evening at 8.35pm for our monthly meetup?

Here is the zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85862036242?pwd=bVVOSk1wTnVLeU1kNkhidTl2TFVmQT09

Hope to see some of you there to get your questions answered.

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If the courts decide on settlement is it 50% split of everything or 50% split for the period of marriage on both assets & pension

08:39 16/05/2024

On the petition to divorce application - I want to discuss settlement and difficult spouse wants to leave to the courts to decide, do we both need to agree the same route to proceed?

08:38 16/05/2024
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Our Family Wizard link

Posted By: suzy Miller on 23/03/2024 at 13:51

Here you go Rebecca – and anyone else who needs this:
Co-Parenting Diary Our Family Wizard is not free, but it’s low cost and it’s designed for high conflict co-parenting situations:


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Happy Mother’s Day!

Posted By: suzy Miller on 10/03/2024 at 11:50

Make time for yourself today – even if no-one else does.

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Business valuations

Posted By: suzy Miller on 08/03/2024 at 23:42

For those with a business to value, the less expensive way is to work it out yourself: Take your total assets and subtract your total liabilities. This approach makes it easy to trace to the valuation because it’s coming directly from your accounting/record keeping. However, because it works like a snapshot of current value it may not take into consideration future revenue or earnings.

This is a more comprehensive set of options: https://www.axa.co.uk/business-insurance/business-guardian-angel/how-to-value-a-business/

If you are paying for a professional valuation, then you may be able to get a desktop valuation which is much less expensive than a full business valuation – which can be timely and costly. A desktop valuation is an appraisal of your business using software and known information that is available to the valuer. It does not involve an in-person visit to your premises, but it is typically used as a guide to inform you of your business’s potential market value.

So first – work out what is most appropriate for the business you are valuing.

For a desktop or more comprehensive valuation, this company offer that service. Though you may want a local company if they are visiting your premises. https://www.tempest-fa.com/expertise/valuations/

If that is the case let me know including your postcode and I’ll find you an appropriate business who offers that service.

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Talk about inspirational

Posted By: suzy Miller on 02/03/2024 at 01:13

So don’t tell me that a major life shift doesn’t mean you can’t be even more amazing than you were before. Because this guy proves it.

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A disturbing article from Fathers4Justice

Posted By: suzy Miller on 01/03/2024 at 20:34

Exposed: The Katie Price Child Abuse Scandal

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Meetup online is Thursday 29 Feb 8.35pm

Posted By: suzy Miller on 28/02/2024 at 23:24

See you to catch up, share useful guidance and arrange further complimentary calls. Let’s make sure you make a plan!
Use this link to join at 8.35pm: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85862036242?pwd=bVVOSk1wTnVLeU1kNkhidTl2TFVmQT09

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Message for Angie

Posted By: suzy Miller on 13/02/2024 at 20:49

Hi Angie

I’ve spoken to Henry. This is not what we would normally recommend, but in your current situation, it does make sense for Henry to have a chat directly with your STBX as well as another chat with you, and get a clearer realistic picture of the assets and pensions involved.

From there, he can put together a sensible set of suggestions of how you can agree on a financial settlement.

However, as I’ve said before, I think you would massively benefit from having some sessions with the amazing Ruth and also with Sue Lee – because quite often it is our sense of insecurity and fear that blocks us seeing the wood for the trees, and moving things forwards.

What do you think?

(This is possibly going to resonate with others in the group. If anyone hasn’t had a session with Ruth or Sue yet, just let me know!)


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Save £350 by coming to the meetup

Posted By: suzy Miller on 25/01/2024 at 12:24

I’ll be on zoom tonight 8.35pm UK time to answer any questions and give guidance.


Since a 1-1 strategy session with me costs £350 – this is your chance to get some 1-1 attention as part of your membership at no additional cost. Usually only a handful of people make it to the live Meetup so you’ll get lots of attention.

See you there!


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Response to A…..

Posted By: suzy Miller on 17/01/2024 at 00:12

“Hi Suzy,

Many thanks for talking with me earlier today. Can I please check with you that I need to tick the box \’I want to apply on my own, as a sole applicant\’ for the Gov Divorce petition process?”

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Yes - just take control and be the applicant. Especially in your situation. You can ask him to pay half (or all) the fee but I recommend getting it done and then sending him the request afterwards.

00:14 17/01/2024
suzy Miller
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New Year’s Eve Gift

Posted By: suzy Miller on 03/01/2024 at 17:58

A complimentary 1-1 – let’s make sure you are staying on track. https://bestwaytodivorce.com/free-divorce-navigation-call-15-mins/

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Absolutely Lee! Everyone in the group can access a New Year’s gift of a complimentary 1-1 - just use this link: <a href="https://bestwaytodivorce.com/free-divorce-navigation-call-15-mins/" target="_blank">https://bestwaytodivorce.com/free-divorce-navigation-call-15-mins/</a>

16:18 04/01/2024
suzy Miller

Hi Suzy, My sister Sue has mentioned me that she has briefed you on the latest turn of events regarding my divorce. Would it be possible to have a 1-2-1 with you so that you can point me in the right direction, to hopefully have a conversation with the best people who can help me navigate the stormy waters I currently find myself in. Many thanks Lee

12:39 04/01/2024
Lee Tyler
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Secret Divorce Meetup tonight

Posted By: suzy Miller on 28/12/2023 at 11:39

Come and have a catch up. 8.35pm


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how to fill form D11

Posted By: Vinciane on 01/12/2023 at 15:33

Hi Suzie, my husband has received my application to divorce but emailed me to say he was not going to reply. With that email as a proof he has received the application, I can proceed and need to fill form D11 https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-d11-application-notice
Sadly that form is so complicated I won’t be able to fill it without help. Who should I contact to ensure I fill it properly. Or could you help me do that?

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Calling the court was no use so, with Celia's help, I filled the form D11 and uploaded the email of my husband proving he had received the petition. I want to show him I am serious about the divorce so wanted to keep things moving but indeed, now is the time to talk finance. Thank you for your help.

09:09 06/12/2023

Hello Vinciane First - call the family court (who are dealing with the petition) and say you have proof your spouse has received the petition (describe how this is in the form of an email from him) - and ask if you can submit that instead of having to pay for deemed service. If the email is clear evidence, then they may accept that. If they are difficult, and insist you prove receipt in another way, that info is in the free petition info in the hub. Why do you want to submit a D11? All you need to do is prove your spouse knows he has been petitioned. The person to help with this is Celia. I introduced you via email on 21 October. She is an ex family law solicitor. But even on your own you can try to persuade the family court to allow your husband’s email as proof of receipt of the petition because that may be all you need to do. Then focus on the financial split and cutting a deal. Don’t let the petition stage become a hassle. You don’t need to fill in complicated forms for that. If you have to get the petition served on your spouse by a bailiff to prove receipt and can’t fine the info let me know and I’ll add it in here. But try to call them first in case his email does the job?

22:42 01/12/2023
suzy Miller
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Some great ways to destress – watch the video

Posted By: suzy Miller on 30/11/2023 at 21:51

If you missed tonights meetup, don’t miss out on the replay. Some fantastic skills shared by Sarah C. Langford on how to reduced panic and stress.

November 2023 Meetup – myself and Sarah C. Langford talking about healing trauma.

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Join me tonight at 8.35pm for our monthly meetup!

Posted By: suzy Miller on 30/11/2023 at 15:44

If you can’t make it but want questions answered, pop them in the comments to this post and you’ll be able to watch the recording.

Hope to see some of you later at 8.35pm!


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Welcome Angela!

Posted By: suzy Miller on 22/11/2023 at 14:41

As promised, here is the info about petitioning, which some of you might also find useful if you haven’t reached that stage yet:

Divorce Admin UK – General

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A free refresher! Join the workshop at no cost.

Posted By: suzy Miller on 22/11/2023 at 13:28

If you can make it to my December workshop, respond in the comments to THIS post – and I’ll get you added in.

No charge for this one for members of this group.

Info is here FYI: https://bestwaytodivorce.com/better-way-to-divorce-co-parenting-workshop/

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Consent Order

Posted By: Lily Stevanovic on 12/11/2023 at 11:38

Hi Suzy,
Is the above consent order relevant to us, as we are not married? We are separating and want to make our MOU (Memorandum of Understanding) legally binding. Is the company you’ve suggested still relevant or would you recommend simply going to a local solicitor/notary to do this for us? Thanks.

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Thank you for the info Suzi. But any legal action is via CMS? Which applies only to residents of England Scotland and Wales? (The non-paying parent lives overseas, no British passport. I do not have an address for him. Only his solicitor in uk. CMS told me on the phone that 1)they do not communicate via solicitors 2)no address for him and living overseas, they say they can’t even make a record that I’ve contacted them, nothing that they can do. So all the legal chasing for maintenance - where would i start? There is no government service to help me??

07:45 13/12/2023
Annie Greening

(posting this year to remove it from the top of the chat where it was in the wrong place! ) Best to create a new post (link at the top) but to get an agreement legally binding - this company is recommended to make your agreement into a Consent Order (which you submit at the interim order stage of the divorce before applying for the final order). If you use the code SOS23 you’ll get a 10% discount: <a href="https://www.paidonresults.net/c/29703/1/388/0/divorce-services/consent-order-services/clean-break-consent-order-service/" target="_blank">https://www.paidonresults.net/c/29703/1/388/0/divorce-services/consent-order-services/clean-break-consent-order-service/</a>

14:42 22/11/2023
suzy Miller

Sure, Thank you for all the info Suzy! I will get in touch with them.

20:12 12/11/2023
Lily Stevanovic

Using that link you can go to the menu and they provide a fixed price cohabitation agreement. You can ask them to adapt that to be for your separation / relationship end but it will be a variation on that template. You’ll need independent legal advice to stress-test the final agreement (which that company can provide’ and if it’s not going to last long (ie. You’re splitting everything and no ongoing payments - then that will be fine. If you are relying on ongoing payments then it could be difficult in practice to enforce the agreement. If you review it every couple of years and have independent legal advice to doublecheck that you both understand what it is that you’ve agreed to, then that should stand up, but the cost of going to court to enforce it and the time involved could be prohibitive. But you can always of course do it DIY. It is unlikely to hold the same legal weight in practice as a consent order, which is why it’s easier in some ways to divorce than it is to just create an agreement with a cohabiting partner. But it can be difficult to enforce a consent order as well, if you’ve got someone who is just determine not to comply so ultimately, if this is done amicably and everyone is respectful of the agreement they sign, it’s an important thing to do. But I’m just saying, don’t put too much faith in the legal weight of it, unless you’re going to keep it updated every couple of years so that it remains relevant because people’s circumstances change. The divorce online people can advise but I would go for their cohabitation agreement - then you simply implement it immediately after it’s signed! Strictly speaking, cohabitation agreements are not legally binding in England or Wales in the sense that courts must uphold them, but in a similar way to prenuptial agreements, the courts will consider them as part of any application when they are drafted and executed properly. Therefore, a cohabitation agreement or living together agreement is a legally binding contract provided you obtain legal advice before preparing the agreement and it is signed as a deed. How effective it is in, for example, for agreeing the amount of child maintenance above the statutory level, and how enforceable that is, would be interesting to see. There’s no reason why, whatever you agree, won’t be honoured, but I wouldn’t put all your eggs in one basket and leave yourself exposed, if suddenly the money you rely on dries up. Make sure you have a plan B.

12:16 12/11/2023
suzy Miller
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Response to Annie

Posted By: suzy Miller on 07/11/2023 at 00:13

Hi Annie – pop any further comments in this strand.

This lady can help you make a plan re. The financial situation.

Patricia Buckland: Debt Talk
Financial Therapist

Tell her I suggested you give her a ring.

Re child maintenance – have you calculated what you may be owed? As part of the divorce financials your husband has to disclose his financial information.

“What powers do the child maintenance service have?
CMS can take legal action to make you, the paying parent, pay the child maintenance you owe under the liability order. They can: register an order with Land Registry or Registry of Deeds against your land or property ensuring you cannot sell unless you pay what you owe from the money you make from the sale”

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"CMS can take legal action to make you, the paying parent, pay the child maintenance you owe" but I am the "paying parent" - its my husband overseas whi needs to pay me the child maintence he owes. He lives in a country which CMS have told me is not covered by their services. CMS have told me they wont chase him or contact him - especially as my only point of contact for him is his solicitor (CMS tell me "we do not communicate with solicitors". Unfortunately The link you sent applies to northern ireland not england... CMS england website is even more discouraging. CMS tell me i am stuffed and they cant chase the maintence owed!

07:24 25/02/2024
Annie Greening