Divorce Group Chat

Have you completed this To-Do List?

Posted By: suzy Miller on 02/04/2024 at 10:07

Just shared this with a group member and it may be some of you will benefit from going through this check list:

To Do List:

– Book in calls with any professionals you have been introduced to. Have a chat with them, and plan the next steps where relevant.

– Access dTour.life and complete the Co-Parenting Plan using the template.

– Consider what else you need to included in the financial agreement related to the co-parenting. Who pays for University fees, school uniforms? What happens if one of you moves to different place? Gets a new partner? Consider all the options and their potential financial implications.

– Set up the Our Family Wizard co-parenting calendar (no more whatsapps/texts/emails – keep it all in the OFW App where nothing can be deleted!) – populate it with things there is no argument about – school dates; birthdays etc. It is a fantastic way to create boundaries and accountability in the coparenting relationship: https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=212922&u=1930759&m=25791&urllink=&afftrack=

– Include (when ready) who is with the kids and when – do this even if you are living in the same house. It may feel weird but the kids can get used to the rhythm and it’s less difficult for them when parents then begin to live apart as the rhythm stays the same.

– Put all your financial info/marriage certificate etc into dTour.life. Ask Suzy to invite in any professionals you are working with (and to then remove any later on you stop working with).

– When you are ready to have your financial agreement turned into a Consent Order : this company provide a very affordable service: https://www.paidonresults.net/c/29703/1/388/0/divorce-services/consent-order-services/clean-break-consent-order-service/

– Use the Chat in the Secret Divorce Group to ask questions, or share thoughts/epiphanies/concerns. It’s your space to share.

– Put the monthly Meetup dates in your diary.

– Think about the future – what is the world you are creating for yourself? Your kids want you to be happy so it’s your duty to focus on your own fulfilment and joy. Do you want to learn new skills? Plan a retirement abroad? Take up wild dancing and mountain climbing? Now is your chance. There may be financial implications and your financial planner’s job is not just to help you create an equitable split, but to facilitate your dreams. So what are those dreams?

– The Secret Divorce Group will provide for most of your needs ongoing – ask for intros to mediators etc. via the Chat – but if you do want more 1-1 support, that is available: SUBSCRIPTION 1-1 STRATEGY SESSIONS https://bestwaytodivorce.com/divorce-strategy-subscription/

Best wishes

Suzy


Latest Comments 2

Live zoom meetups are on the last Thursday of every month, 8:35pm. The link is in the Meetup tile in the Secret Divorce Group.

19:21 03/07/2024
suzy Miller

Hi suzy. When's the next zoom chat session?

22:07 05/06/2024
Hannah
Upload files





HAVE A QUESTION OR SOMETHING TO SHARE? CLICK THE ADD NEW CHAT BUTTON ABOVE!

Posted By: suzy Miller on 07/11/2023 at 00:14

Please don’t leave comments on this post.

Create a new post.


Latest Comments 1

Want to choose your avatar? If you are feeling like not just having a default smiley face avatar, feel free to update your ‘personal info’ and add a photo. You’ll find the link to ‘personal info’ on the top menu under Resource Hub, or the side menu when you are already inside the resource hub. Remember – you can keep your profile ‘anonymous’ with no photo added or a picture of your cat. You can change your name to be just your first name or initials. But this is a safe space – it’s not like a Facebook group – it’s on my website and only subscribers to the Secret Divorce Group can access it.

14:44 22/11/2023
suzy Miller
Upload files





Still haven’t been on the Workshop: Divorcing a Difficult Spouse?

Posted By: suzy Miller on 06/07/2024 at 10:51

For group members only, the price is reduced by £10 for the workshop, so if you haven’t already been on one you might want to sign up for this. The special rate ends Monday 12pm as I’ll be then promoting it beyond the group to those in need.

Come along to the next workshop as it’s packed with valuable info and you can ask questions and it’s live – but also recorded.

DIVORCING A DIFFICULT SPOUSE
Thursday 25 July 2024 – 7 – 8.20pm
https://bestwaytodivorce.com/divorcing-a-difficult-spouse-live-workshop-uk/

It’s a reduced price until Monday 8th July 12pm exclusively for members of the Secret Divorce Group.


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Introduction to mediator

Posted By: Hannah on 03/07/2024 at 18:12

Hi suzy,
Please could you introduce me to the mediator?
Many Thanks
Hannah


Latest Comments 4

Hannah - I would say going in with a clear financial needs-based plan is essential. If your STBX threatens court then that plan would explain to a judge how best to divide the finances with the reasonings why so therefore it would be stupid for him to go to court. Definitely have some sessions with Ruth to prepare for mediation because your STBX displays coersive control so you need to be prepared. Have you written to your STBX to express your intention to keep this out of court so that if he drags into it you have a strong basis to request he pays your costs? If you want a Amicable Divorce Network headed email version then upgrade your subscription for additional 1-1 support (or just create your own): <a href="https://bestwaytodivorce.com/divorce-strategy-subscription/" target="_blank">https://bestwaytodivorce.com/divorce-strategy-subscription/</a>

07:37 04/07/2024
suzy Miller

Ahh - just seen you've already been intro'd to Henry. Just so you know, he can come into a mediation session to 'explain' the proposed split to your STBX.

19:31 03/07/2024
suzy Miller

Hello Hannah - introduction to mediator Joanne has been made. Just checking in - is there a consent order to be mediated? If so, talking with a financial expert first is a good thing to do. I can intro you to Henry if needed. Let me know if you want me to give Joanne access to your dtour.life.

19:28 03/07/2024
suzy Miller

Hello Hannah. I have more than one Hannah in the support group. Please let he have your surname so I can see which Hannah you are!

18:31 03/07/2024
suzy Miller
Upload files





RESPONSE TO LYDIA’S QUESTION ABOUT PETITION FORM

Posted By: suzy Miller on 02/07/2024 at 17:20

Hi Lydia – in response to your questions: “the divorce application. I wasn’t sure if I needed to tick the ‘applying for financial order box’? As we are hoping to agree through mediation. Can I tick no now and change it if agreement isn’t reached through mediation?” – So yes you do tick the box. It simply means that you will be creating a consent order. The only reason you wouldn’t tick the box is if you had zero assets to split and even then it’s still worth doing a consent order.

“Also, if applying online, do I post the marriage certificate separately?” – If you add your spouse’s email address, they will be emailed. If you don’t add their email address, then the forms will be posted to them.


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Tonight’s Meetup

Posted By: suzy Miller on 27/06/2024 at 15:40

This is the LINK to put in your diary:

Save this link for 8.35pm UK time, on the last Thursday of the month: Join Zoom Meeting

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85862036242?pwd=bVVOSk1wTnVLeU1kNkhidTl2TFVmQT09

Hope to see some of you this evening.

If you can’t make it at 8:35pm – put any questions you have in the comments on this post and I’ll answer them in the Meetup and keep the recording for you.


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Maintenance

Posted By: Hannah on 15/06/2024 at 07:25

Hi Suzy,
Just wanted to ask a question about child maintenance. Should it be paid based on gross yearly income and equalised weekly whether you have a paye contract or freelance?


Latest Comments 1

Ideally child maintenance is agreed between you - I would recommend it being in the co-parenting plan and the details of how to pay it could be agreed in mediation if it’s a touchy subject. It helps if the paying-parent sees clearly that the money is used for the kids (which the co-parenting plan can detail) and you want to avoid the CMS having to collect and distribute the money as they take a fee - money better used for the children. This is the official info: <a href="https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance" target="_blank">https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance</a> But like most divorce/separation related situations, it’s best for the couple to agree between themselves. The amount would normally be set on actual income - so salary whether through an employer or via being self-employed (visible on the annual accounts). If a paying parent is claiming they won’t make the same money this year and don’t want to base it on previous year’s salary - assuming that is a genuine issue - you could agree a minimum monthly amount and then a % of anything they earn over a certain amount to be paid annually. You are in charge of how you do this. NB: child maintenance is SEPARATE from spousal maintenance. Dont conflate them.

08:10 15/06/2024
suzy Miller
Upload files





Hi Hannah

Posted By: suzy Miller on 05/06/2024 at 22:22

Hi Hannah
Our next Group Meetup is on Thursday 27 June 2024
20:35 UK / 12:35 PT / 15:35 ET
30 Minutes Live

Best to start a new discussion unless you are commenting on a specific post – top of the Chat page on the left.

If you can’t make the meetup but have specific questions, pop them in here so I can see and answer them.


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Meetup Tonight on zoom

Posted By: suzy Miller on 30/05/2024 at 07:12

Our next Group Meetup is on Thursday 30 May 2024

20:35 UK / 12:35 PT / 15:35 ET

30 Minutes Live

– what would you like to focus on?

Let us know in the Group Chat!

For half an hour I make myself available via zoom to answer questions, hear your stories, and generally be useful and save you spending money on getting the answers you need, when between myself and the members of my Divorce Support Squad we can usually get you those answers for free.

The Support Webinars I’m running on the last Thursday of the month and are about half an hour (as you are all busy) and starting at 8.35pm.

There will be sometimes be a video’d version recorded and shared in this group only – not anywhere else – if you can’t make it in in person. But it’s worth trying to be present online for that half hour a month!

We will:

– begin with a quick round up of how everyone is (you can stay silent and just listen if you prefer);

– then have some useful strategies/facts which we will discuss;

– share some expert knowledge, sometimes with a special guest;

– deal with any questions or challenges any of you may have

This is the LINK to put in your diary:

Save this link for 8.35pm UK time, on the last Thursday of the month: Join Zoom Meeting

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85862036242?pwd=bVVOSk1wTnVLeU1kNkhidTl2TFVmQT09

See you there!


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





What is the simplest way to find out what is fair?

Posted By: Richard on 27/05/2024 at 09:47

My wife and I are trying to come to an agreement about what is fair in terms of splitting assets and ongoing payments. Would a mediator be able to help with this?


Latest Comments 1

Yes - but only when you are ready to attend the mediation. As I explain in the workshops, to ensure you use mediation effectively, go in with a clear proposal of how best to split the finances, having worked it out with a financial planner (not a mediator or a lawyer - they don't have the years of experience and training and qualifications to do the long term cashflow forecasting that is necessary). Also, if there are children involved, then use dTour.life (you should have received a separate invite to that platform) where you can use the coparenting plan template. You can also put in all your financial details and invite in the financial planner, the mediator, and anyone else you want to save time by not having to send them all the same info by email.

17:31 27/05/2024
suzy Miller
Upload files





Response to Andy’s questions

Posted By: suzy Miller on 16/05/2024 at 09:03

“ If the courts decide on settlement is it 50% split of everything or 50% split for the period of marriage on both assets & pension”

The split is usually based on the assets at the time of the divorce – so unless you have a pre/post nup saying otherwise, you literally put all assets and debts into an invisible pot and then split into two. If one person has greater need – kids or inability to work etc, that’s taken into account – but the best thing is not to try and leave some judge to work at how best to split things up because they often lack specialist skills. It should be you and an expert in finance like Henry, who I’ve introduced you to, working out the most efficient and sensible way to split the assets.

If someone has already been helping themselves to the assets without permission, then they may well get away with that if they can prove that money was used to sustain the family home or to live, but if it’s been spent on things that are nothing to do with the marriage or their core needs, then you could have a case to say that those amounts should be included in the marital pot.

The financial split is something to propose through mediation, which Henry can be invited to join in with to explain everything to the other spouse – with clear graphs and visual ways to understand the financial information that make it easy to see what is the best way to split these assets. There is absolutely no reason at all to make this decision happen with a judge, though if you provide the financial information in the same format, it will make it easier for them to make a better decision (so creating a cash flow forecast with Henry is an investment however the financial discussions proceed) – but it is vital to demonstrate that you want to stay out of court because if you do get dragged into court because the other person just doesn’t fancy mediation, then you have a case to ask for them to pay the court costs.

Issuing a letter offering to do the divorce amicably making use of the amicable divorce UK network is a good way to do this. There is a template letter that I will access and put into this group because it’s useful for everyone. It basically states that your intention is to stay out of court and mediation – and also arbitration is an option if not everything is agreed in mediation. All of this I explain in the workshop, which you have access to the recording from the February one I believe?


Latest Comments 3

P.S. I’ve resent your dtour.life link so you can add in all your financial info. If you decide to work with Henry or any of the other professionals, let me know and I’ll send them a link so that they can see all the information and you don’t have to be emailing them tons of bank statements.

09:43 16/05/2024
suzy Miller

Finally Andy - I’ll email you an example template of a letter making clear you intend to divorce amicably. There are two more letters that follow that, and encourage your spouse to commit to the process. This doesn’t have to be done via a lawyer. But if you want to use the Amicable Divorce set of letters it’s needs to be via one of the Amicable Divorce authorised professionals. That could be a mediator - or even me! I could adapt the templates and guide you in making sure your spouse signs up to the process as this would prove your intention to avoid court. If you want that extra support then I offer a 1-1 subscription which usually works out much more economical than booking in a full 1-1 session. <a href="https://bestwaytodivorce.com/divorce-strategy-subscription/" target="_blank">https://bestwaytodivorce.com/divorce-strategy-subscription/</a> Or you can just use the wording and create your own version DIY - and come and chat in the next meetup last Thursday of the month (part of your Secret Divorce Group subscription).

09:36 16/05/2024
suzy Miller

“ On the petition to divorce application - I want to discuss settlement and difficult spouse wants to leave to the courts to decide, do we both need to agree the same route to proceed?” On the petition you say whether the finances will be dealt with (ie. If there are no assets at all or pensions to split, you would not tick that box) - but you will be creating a Consent Order (refer back to the workshop) so you acknowledge that on the form. It’s nothing to do with the methods used. It’s not relevant. Just tick yes. Your spouse needs to understand that mediation (when you have your financial proposal properly laid out (cash flow forecast with Henry) is the cheapest quickest way (let me know when you want intros to Mediators) and if she wants court, you will request the court to make her cover all the costs on the basis it’s completely unecessary. Formally sending a letter making it clear you intend to stay out of court is important to document this (template to follow). As long as your financial proposal is reasonable, then she will gain nothing by going to court. But make sure she cannot dispose of assets so as soon as the petition goes in, make sure joint back accounts are closed if needed etc. If there are any moves to sell property or draw down on pensions/savings without your agreement or where a third party isn’t used to hold the funds until the consent order is agreed - then a court order may be needed to stop that happening. Lawyers to help with that are available - but hopefully won’t be required!

09:17 16/05/2024
suzy Miller
Upload files





Join us tonight for the Secret Divorce Group Meetup 8:35pm

Posted By: suzy Miller on 25/04/2024 at 14:52

Join us tonight for the Secret Divorce Group Meetup 8:35pm

This is the LINK to put in your diary:
Save this link for 8.35pm UK time, on the last Thursday of the month: Join Zoom Meeting (TONIGHT!)

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85862036242?pwd=bVVOSk1wTnVLeU1kNkhidTl2TFVmQT09

Please do not share this – it is only for those who are members of the Secret Divorce Group.


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Tonight’s Meetup

Posted By: suzy Miller on 28/03/2024 at 18:47

So he will be joining me this evening at 8.35pm for our monthly meetup?

Here is the zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85862036242?pwd=bVVOSk1wTnVLeU1kNkhidTl2TFVmQT09

Hope to see some of you there to get your questions answered.


Latest Comments 2

If the courts decide on settlement is it 50% split of everything or 50% split for the period of marriage on both assets & pension

08:39 16/05/2024
andy

On the petition to divorce application - I want to discuss settlement and difficult spouse wants to leave to the courts to decide, do we both need to agree the same route to proceed?

08:38 16/05/2024
andy
Upload files





Our Family Wizard link

Posted By: suzy Miller on 23/03/2024 at 13:51

Here you go Rebecca – and anyone else who needs this:
Co-Parenting Diary Our Family Wizard is not free, but it’s low cost and it’s designed for high conflict co-parenting situations:

https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=212922&u=1930759&m=25791&urllink=&afftrack=


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Happy Mother’s Day!

Posted By: suzy Miller on 10/03/2024 at 11:50

Make time for yourself today – even if no-one else does.


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Business valuations

Posted By: suzy Miller on 08/03/2024 at 23:42

For those with a business to value, the less expensive way is to work it out yourself: Take your total assets and subtract your total liabilities. This approach makes it easy to trace to the valuation because it’s coming directly from your accounting/record keeping. However, because it works like a snapshot of current value it may not take into consideration future revenue or earnings.

This is a more comprehensive set of options: https://www.axa.co.uk/business-insurance/business-guardian-angel/how-to-value-a-business/

If you are paying for a professional valuation, then you may be able to get a desktop valuation which is much less expensive than a full business valuation – which can be timely and costly. A desktop valuation is an appraisal of your business using software and known information that is available to the valuer. It does not involve an in-person visit to your premises, but it is typically used as a guide to inform you of your business’s potential market value.

So first – work out what is most appropriate for the business you are valuing.

For a desktop or more comprehensive valuation, this company offer that service. Though you may want a local company if they are visiting your premises. https://www.tempest-fa.com/expertise/valuations/

If that is the case let me know including your postcode and I’ll find you an appropriate business who offers that service.


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Talk about inspirational

Posted By: suzy Miller on 02/03/2024 at 01:13

So don’t tell me that a major life shift doesn’t mean you can’t be even more amazing than you were before. Because this guy proves it.


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





A disturbing article from Fathers4Justice

Posted By: suzy Miller on 01/03/2024 at 20:34

Exposed: The Katie Price Child Abuse Scandal


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Meetup online is Thursday 29 Feb 8.35pm

Posted By: suzy Miller on 28/02/2024 at 23:24

See you to catch up, share useful guidance and arrange further complimentary calls. Let’s make sure you make a plan!
Use this link to join at 8.35pm: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85862036242?pwd=bVVOSk1wTnVLeU1kNkhidTl2TFVmQT09


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Message for Angie

Posted By: suzy Miller on 13/02/2024 at 20:49

Hi Angie

I’ve spoken to Henry. This is not what we would normally recommend, but in your current situation, it does make sense for Henry to have a chat directly with your STBX as well as another chat with you, and get a clearer realistic picture of the assets and pensions involved.

From there, he can put together a sensible set of suggestions of how you can agree on a financial settlement.

However, as I’ve said before, I think you would massively benefit from having some sessions with the amazing Ruth and also with Sue Lee – because quite often it is our sense of insecurity and fear that blocks us seeing the wood for the trees, and moving things forwards.

What do you think?

(This is possibly going to resonate with others in the group. If anyone hasn’t had a session with Ruth or Sue yet, just let me know!)

Suzy


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Save £350 by coming to the meetup

Posted By: suzy Miller on 25/01/2024 at 12:24

I’ll be on zoom tonight 8.35pm UK time to answer any questions and give guidance.

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85862036242?pwd=bVVOSk1wTnVLeU1kNkhidTl2TFVmQT09

Since a 1-1 strategy session with me costs £350 – this is your chance to get some 1-1 attention as part of your membership at no additional cost. Usually only a handful of people make it to the live Meetup so you’ll get lots of attention.

See you there!

Suzy


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Response to A…..

Posted By: suzy Miller on 17/01/2024 at 00:12

“Hi Suzy,

Many thanks for talking with me earlier today. Can I please check with you that I need to tick the box \’I want to apply on my own, as a sole applicant\’ for the Gov Divorce petition process?”


Latest Comments 1

Yes - just take control and be the applicant. Especially in your situation. You can ask him to pay half (or all) the fee but I recommend getting it done and then sending him the request afterwards.

00:14 17/01/2024
suzy Miller
Upload files





New Year’s Eve Gift

Posted By: suzy Miller on 03/01/2024 at 17:58

A complimentary 1-1 – let’s make sure you are staying on track. https://bestwaytodivorce.com/free-divorce-navigation-call-15-mins/


Latest Comments 2

Absolutely Lee! Everyone in the group can access a New Year’s gift of a complimentary 1-1 - just use this link: <a href="https://bestwaytodivorce.com/free-divorce-navigation-call-15-mins/" target="_blank">https://bestwaytodivorce.com/free-divorce-navigation-call-15-mins/</a>

16:18 04/01/2024
suzy Miller

Hi Suzy, My sister Sue has mentioned me that she has briefed you on the latest turn of events regarding my divorce. Would it be possible to have a 1-2-1 with you so that you can point me in the right direction, to hopefully have a conversation with the best people who can help me navigate the stormy waters I currently find myself in. Many thanks Lee

12:39 04/01/2024
Lee Tyler