Divorce Group Chat

HAVE A QUESTION OR SOMETHING TO SHARE? CLICK THE ADD NEW CHAT BUTTON ABOVE!

Posted By: suzy Miller on 07/11/2023 at 00:14

Please don’t leave comments on this post.

Create a new post.


Latest Comments 1

Want to choose your avatar? If you are feeling like not just having a default smiley face avatar, feel free to update your ‘personal info’ and add a photo. You’ll find the link to ‘personal info’ on the top menu under Resource Hub, or the side menu when you are already inside the resource hub. Remember – you can keep your profile ‘anonymous’ with no photo added or a picture of your cat. You can change your name to be just your first name or initials. But this is a safe space – it’s not like a Facebook group – it’s on my website and only subscribers to the Secret Divorce Group can access it.

14:44 22/11/2023
suzy Miller
Upload files





how to fill form D11

Posted By: Vinciane on 01/12/2023 at 15:33

Hi Suzie, my husband has received my application to divorce but emailed me to say he was not going to reply. With that email as a proof he has received the application, I can proceed and need to fill form D11 https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-d11-application-notice
Sadly that form is so complicated I won’t be able to fill it without help. Who should I contact to ensure I fill it properly. Or could you help me do that?


Latest Comments 2

Calling the court was no use so, with Celia's help, I filled the form D11 and uploaded the email of my husband proving he had received the petition. I want to show him I am serious about the divorce so wanted to keep things moving but indeed, now is the time to talk finance. Thank you for your help.

09:09 06/12/2023
Vinciane

Hello Vinciane First - call the family court (who are dealing with the petition) and say you have proof your spouse has received the petition (describe how this is in the form of an email from him) - and ask if you can submit that instead of having to pay for deemed service. If the email is clear evidence, then they may accept that. If they are difficult, and insist you prove receipt in another way, that info is in the free petition info in the hub. Why do you want to submit a D11? All you need to do is prove your spouse knows he has been petitioned. The person to help with this is Celia. I introduced you via email on 21 October. She is an ex family law solicitor. But even on your own you can try to persuade the family court to allow your husband’s email as proof of receipt of the petition because that may be all you need to do. Then focus on the financial split and cutting a deal. Don’t let the petition stage become a hassle. You don’t need to fill in complicated forms for that. If you have to get the petition served on your spouse by a bailiff to prove receipt and can’t fine the info let me know and I’ll add it in here. But try to call them first in case his email does the job?

22:42 01/12/2023
suzy Miller
Upload files





Some great ways to destress – watch the video

Posted By: suzy Miller on 30/11/2023 at 21:51

If you missed tonights meetup, don’t miss out on the replay. Some fantastic skills shared by Sarah C. Langford on how to reduced panic and stress.

November 2023 Meetup – myself and Sarah C. Langford talking about healing trauma.


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Join me tonight at 8.35pm for our monthly meetup!

Posted By: suzy Miller on 30/11/2023 at 15:44

If you can’t make it but want questions answered, pop them in the comments to this post and you’ll be able to watch the recording.

Hope to see some of you later at 8.35pm!

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85862036242?pwd=bVVOSk1wTnVLeU1kNkhidTl2TFVmQT09


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Welcome Angela!

Posted By: suzy Miller on 22/11/2023 at 14:41

As promised, here is the info about petitioning, which some of you might also find useful if you haven’t reached that stage yet:

Divorce Admin UK – General


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





A free refresher! Join the workshop at no cost.

Posted By: suzy Miller on 22/11/2023 at 13:28

If you can make it to my December workshop, respond in the comments to THIS post – and I’ll get you added in.

No charge for this one for members of this group.

Info is here FYI: https://bestwaytodivorce.com/better-way-to-divorce-co-parenting-workshop/


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Consent Order

Posted By: Lily Stevanovic on 12/11/2023 at 11:38

Hi Suzy,
Is the above consent order relevant to us, as we are not married? We are separating and want to make our MOU (Memorandum of Understanding) legally binding. Is the company you’ve suggested still relevant or would you recommend simply going to a local solicitor/notary to do this for us? Thanks.


Latest Comments 3

(posting this year to remove it from the top of the chat where it was in the wrong place! ) Best to create a new post (link at the top) but to get an agreement legally binding - this company is recommended to make your agreement into a Consent Order (which you submit at the interim order stage of the divorce before applying for the final order). If you use the code SOS23 you’ll get a 10% discount: <a href="https://www.paidonresults.net/c/29703/1/388/0/divorce-services/consent-order-services/clean-break-consent-order-service/" target="_blank">https://www.paidonresults.net/c/29703/1/388/0/divorce-services/consent-order-services/clean-break-consent-order-service/</a>

14:42 22/11/2023
suzy Miller

Sure, Thank you for all the info Suzy! I will get in touch with them.

20:12 12/11/2023
Lily Stevanovic

Using that link you can go to the menu and they provide a fixed price cohabitation agreement. You can ask them to adapt that to be for your separation / relationship end but it will be a variation on that template. You’ll need independent legal advice to stress-test the final agreement (which that company can provide’ and if it’s not going to last long (ie. You’re splitting everything and no ongoing payments - then that will be fine. If you are relying on ongoing payments then it could be difficult in practice to enforce the agreement. If you review it every couple of years and have independent legal advice to doublecheck that you both understand what it is that you’ve agreed to, then that should stand up, but the cost of going to court to enforce it and the time involved could be prohibitive. But you can always of course do it DIY. It is unlikely to hold the same legal weight in practice as a consent order, which is why it’s easier in some ways to divorce than it is to just create an agreement with a cohabiting partner. But it can be difficult to enforce a consent order as well, if you’ve got someone who is just determine not to comply so ultimately, if this is done amicably and everyone is respectful of the agreement they sign, it’s an important thing to do. But I’m just saying, don’t put too much faith in the legal weight of it, unless you’re going to keep it updated every couple of years so that it remains relevant because people’s circumstances change. The divorce online people can advise but I would go for their cohabitation agreement - then you simply implement it immediately after it’s signed! Strictly speaking, cohabitation agreements are not legally binding in England or Wales in the sense that courts must uphold them, but in a similar way to prenuptial agreements, the courts will consider them as part of any application when they are drafted and executed properly. Therefore, a cohabitation agreement or living together agreement is a legally binding contract provided you obtain legal advice before preparing the agreement and it is signed as a deed. How effective it is in, for example, for agreeing the amount of child maintenance above the statutory level, and how enforceable that is, would be interesting to see. There’s no reason why, whatever you agree, won’t be honoured, but I wouldn’t put all your eggs in one basket and leave yourself exposed, if suddenly the money you rely on dries up. Make sure you have a plan B.

12:16 12/11/2023
suzy Miller
Upload files





Response to Annie

Posted By: suzy Miller on 07/11/2023 at 00:13

Hi Annie – pop any further comments in this strand.

This lady can help you make a plan re. The financial situation.

Patricia Buckland: Debt Talk
Financial Therapist
patricia@debt-talk.com
+4407749287097

Tell her I suggested you give her a ring.

Re child maintenance – have you calculated what you may be owed? As part of the divorce financials your husband has to disclose his financial information.

“What powers do the child maintenance service have?
CMS can take legal action to make you, the paying parent, pay the child maintenance you owe under the liability order. They can: register an order with Land Registry or Registry of Deeds against your land or property ensuring you cannot sell unless you pay what you owe from the money you make from the sale”
https://www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/legal-action-child-maintenance-service-can-take#:~:text=CMS%20can%20take%20legal%20action%20to%20make%20you%2C%20the%20paying,you%20make%20from%20the%20sale


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Response to Annie

Posted By: suzy Miller on 06/11/2023 at 10:41

The most important thing at the moment is to sort out your financial situation. Quite a while back I remember we talked about support. I also suggested you talk to a Financial Planner so you can make some kind of plan of how to deal with this.

Unfortunate at the time you were adamant that you didn’t want to get that support, but even a conversation is going to help you think more clearly about what you need to do. Am I right in thinking that you own some properties?

I spoke with a lady who helps people out of a financial fix awhile back, and I’m going to try and find her details for you. What you need is to make a plan of action.

Try and come to the next meet up so we can talk about the legal situation and child support because that’s just not going to work via text and messaging!

When I get the information about that lady, I’ll do an introduction.

I think she’ll be a very good first step.


Latest Comments 3

Hi Annie - you need a way to get out of debt. You have assets. But you need to release those without your ex taking so much you end up still in poverty. So you need to make a plan. Start with the debt lady I posted the info to. You should qualify for legal aid but be careful of that - if you release assets they may want you to pay the legal fees back. I have a solicitor you can talk to but no point till you have a plan re. Finances. I recommend that you use dtour.live, which is part of your subscription. Let me know if you want me to send you a link to that as it’s a separate platform. In there, you can put all your financial details and run your own financial forecasts, which demonstrate clearly your financial situation and put a case for your need for all the assets, in particular bearing in mind the lack of child support. So that would show immediately that your husband has no rights to any assets from the properties, because of what he owes. You need to back this up with the figures, and also have a plan of action with the debt lady.

09:07 07/11/2023
suzy Miller

Thank you Suzy. I have no assets except roof over my head. I’m not sure what ‘financial planning’ would involve as there is zero money spare to make plan for - I’m an unpaid carer on minimum uc only, no other source of income, no savings no anything. Every penny in is used to try keep functioning in poverty

11:11 06/11/2023
Annie Greening

Thank you Suzy. I have no assets except roof over my head. I’m not sure what ‘financial planning’ would involve as there is zero money spare to make plan for - I’m an unpaid carer on minimum uc only, no other source of income, no savings no anything. Every penny in is used to try keep functioning in poverty

11:11 06/11/2023
Annie Greening
Upload files





how long between filing online and your spouse receiving the petition

Posted By: Vinciane on 05/11/2023 at 07:59

I have raised and paid my petition last night but do not want my spouse to get it for a few days…I am unclear how long the court staff will take to check the paperwork before emailing the petition to my spouse.


Latest Comments 6

Thanks for sharing the update Vinciane. A little bird tells me it is your Birthday today? Happy Birthday! May the following years be full of peace, love - and liberation!

19:50 09/11/2023
suzy Miller

For everyone's info, it took 3 working days for the court staff to check my application (which was fine) and email the petition to my husband. So indeed there was no need to worry. I left my husband 2 days ago and he let me go as he was so in shock ...all is well now...let's cross fingers the rest will be fine too...

10:10 09/11/2023
Vinciane

This is the issue when only having a short meeting and not taking full advantage of the support on offer. I know that via my notes I definitely impressed the need for caution on the timing of the petition. I always do. Please use this group to ask in advance if taking key actions. So for example - if you are not sure when your spouse will receive the notification, ask before you petition. Hopefully it will all work out fine as presumably you went for post not email notification (which I always mention in my sessions and which would have been an option when petitioning) so hopefully after this stage of the process things will be less stressful. It’s a big event - it’s can create a lot of fear - and as before I highly recommend you have an introduction to Sarah C. Langford as already recommended for a no-obligation session. I think she will really help. Let me know if you would like that introduction to Sarah for a complimentary session.

15:39 05/11/2023
suzy Miller

12:47 05/11/2023
Vinciane

It was never made clear to me that once you file online and pay you are not being given a choice of date for the petition to reach him by post or by mail... What is done is done. I will call the court tomorrow to enquire...at least today is Sunday so nothing seems to have happened...

12:47 05/11/2023
Vinciane

I am concerned that you have petitioned your husband whilst living in the same house and not mentioned it to him. Is that because you plan to be out of the house when he receives it? Just so you know, you seeing him receive it and open it up - If it’s in letter form, watching him, open it on his email - does not count as him receiving the petition. He needs to respond to it to let the court know that he’s seen it There are ways to ensure that the court has that proof in the information in the resource hub, but sometimes you can get away with sharing an email or written response from your husband, that indicates clearly that he has received it, even if he refuses to respond to the petition and acknowledge its receipt to the court . If you are in any physical danger whatsoever, the receipt of the petition might trigger bad behaviour, then it would be sensible not to be in the house when he receives it. Or to have someone else there with you. Your safety is the primary concern here. if it’s simply that you’re worried he’s going to kick off verbally then I hope you have a bedroom door with a lock on it! Again, it would be good if you had someone else with you as a witness to any bad behaviour. This is not only because it reduces the bad behaviour of a spouse, but if they do become aggressive having that witness to make a formal complaint to the police about, is very useful. Sorry if the above seems a bit overly dramatic, but obviously this is a situation that others may find themselves in who are reading this, who are in genuine danger of abuse. A divorce petition can be triggering for some people. I did advise you before to ensure that he knows it’s coming to make sure that you are safe and supported at that point. I don’t understand why you’ve put yourself in this position? Or is it that the communication about what’s happening doesn’t arrive by registered mail till Tuesday?

11:16 05/11/2023
suzy Miller
Upload files





Response to Sukhjit

Posted By: suzy Miller on 30/10/2023 at 10:44

Yes, if you want legal advice – it’s expensive. But since you simply want a legal opinion – perhaps ask if you can book in a one-off hour to discuss?

My guess is that you will be told that you should vary the order (which you can apply for yourself with Celia’s help and reduce the legal costs) and effectively you will be beginning a court process that you will be paying for.

Or – your Ex can be the one to take action (which he may or may not do) and you can self represent (with Celia’s help). Personally, I’d consider option two, because it makes your Ex have to do all the work and reduces your costs as the defendant.

Either way – if you follow the suggestions I’ve made (which you’ve been doing with the co-parenting plan creation (though I would maintain communication through OFW to demonstrate you haven’t cut off communication – it looks bad if he is the one not using the platform, especially if you are encouraging him to maintain contact with his son via a contact centre) – then you’ll be in a good position to present your case either way.

A case which may never go to court if you ex really has bailed on his son.

Celia will be able to advise on the above strategies.

The biggest concern is your son should have contact (with a TRUSTED third party present) with his dad. It’s really important to not give up on that.

Your son can send letters/cards. Have designated WhatsApp’s/FaceTimes (ideally in the mornings before his dad has started drinking) etc. This will also demonstrate your genuine efforts to help your son maintain contact. This is vital for his psychological health. Jenni can support you in this.

Suzy


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Who’s going to be at the Meetup on zoom tonight?

Posted By: suzy Miller on 26/10/2023 at 12:55

Who can make it for tonight’s live zoom meetup? Any specific areas you want me to cover?

If you can’t make it, what questions do you have? I can answer them and you can see the answers on the recorded video in the Meetup area of the site. (Exclusive to Secret Divorce Group members)


Latest Comments 1

Here is the link for tonight's zoom: Join Zoom Meeting <a href="https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85862036242?pwd=bVVOSk1wTnVLeU1kNkhidTl2TFVmQT09" target="_blank">https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85862036242?pwd=bVVOSk1wTnVLeU1kNkhidTl2TFVmQT09</a> Meeting ID: 858 6203 6242 Passcode: 460962 Or you can access the link also via the Meetup Tile in the Secret Divorce Group.

15:16 26/10/2023
suzy Miller
Upload files





Response to Lily

Posted By: suzy Miller on 22/10/2023 at 13:46

Hi Lily – when not married, your legal rights are minimal. You are not eligible for spousal maintenance or half the assets/pensions unless you have a legal agreement in place, or can prove ownership etc. If I remember correctly, you are the majority owner of the family home?

I think it would be better to get legal advice once you have a clear view of the situation. You may find that once you present a suggested split via mediation, that is all sorted. He needs to contribute to your daughter’s needs but it’s better to present those costs via the mediation and get him to agree.

You can access a calculator (via the ToolKit) for estimating his legal obligation as a % of his salary, but unless he has a very high salary, it will probably be a lot less than what you actually need. So cut a deal in mediation if you can! However, try to get money up front – because he could stop payouts at any time and then you will be back to getting the Child Support Agency to chase him for much less.

Sorry to be so blunt and luckily you have your name on the house deeds/mortgage (?) so you’re in a better situation than I was. The more you can show via the financial plan your daughter’s financial requirements and get an agreement via mediation, the better.

Have you got the parenting plan together yet with Jenni? That links well with a financial plan and also is a good way to get him into mediation (don’t start off talking about the money – start talking about your daughter/access etc). Don’t worry if you don’t reach agreement – you just want him to trust the mediator.

Shall I introduce you to Joanne Phillips – one of the mediators – as she will be able to give you a realistic view of your entitlements and help persuade your STBX to mediate. I strongly recommend you start with Joanne helping you both to discuss the parenting plan so your STBX can build confidence and trust in the process.


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Response to Sukhjit

Posted By: suzy Miller on 17/10/2023 at 20:48

In response to your message it sounds like you have got through that to-do list very thoroughly!

You could send a copy of the parenting plan as a pdf but make it clear that if your ex wants to collaborate on it, he needs to use the our family wizard link you sent him.

If he messes about and takes you to court, you can use a template in OFW to request the court to order him to pay his subscription and communicate through the app. But hopefully he’ll see the benefits and use it anyway. As long as that is the only way you respond to co-parenting communications – what other option does he have?


Latest Comments 5

P.S. - where did you create your co-parenting plan? OFW is or the diary / everyday implementation - but a co-parenting plan adapted from the court order is what you would be mediating with your Ex or - if he takes you to court - show to court.

12:15 21/10/2023
suzy Miller

Hi Sukhjit - I didn't see any reference in the message to your ex about his drinking. I thought that was the key issue here? I recommend that you continue to encourage your ex to participate and have his wishes taken into consideration with a revised parenting plan, and once he's gone into OFW and considered what - if anything - he wants to change, to attend a mediation to discuss that. Have you been working with Jenni Rock? She would be a good person to get guidance on. I'm not clear on why you want legal advice at this point?

12:01 21/10/2023
suzy Miller

Hi Suzy, my ex has replied to the email. Ive attached his response as a PDF in dTour.life docs. Please could you review and let me know how i need to proceed? Thanks Sukhi

10:33 19/10/2023
Sukhjit Purewal

Hi Sukhjit Apart from adding screenshots of the above 'evidence' of how hard you are trying to include him in the coparenting into your dTour.life docs, also make it clear that you are happy for childrens services to an assessment and that you are concerned for your child's mental health. In practice they are only likely to intervene if instructed by a court - so your ex would have to take you to court first. Which may never happen. But it it does, you are all ready to put a strong case, to get an updated coparenting plan put turned into a legally binding agreement which includes your Ex paying for and using Our Family Wizard. PS - if he is on benefits he can contact them and ask for a reduction - that option is available through the site via the invite link you send him via your own subscription.

04:32 19/10/2023
suzy Miller

Hi Suzy, Thanks for getting back to me. Yes, i didnt want to waste time by sitting on any actions. I wanted to make sure enough notice has been given to him to review my email and take action where he deemed necessary. Hes not read the email yet (i popped a read receipt on like you suggested). I know its been delivered as i put a receipt of for that too. I will give him until 5pm today - if he doest reply to my txt informing him of the email (which had app info) or email back atleast, or use the app then i will drop him a whatsapp (as it will be online status / 2 blue ticks for read receipt) and tell him to check his email and will send a PDF via whatsapp to him. I will re-itterate he needs to use the app and that theres no point in replying to me on txt or whatsapp or email. Children services got back to me. For some reason i cant attach a pdf of the email convo in this chat so ive attached it under documents in dtour.life for yo to reivew....im assuming you can see my docs in there? Reading in between the lines of the childrens services email they arent going to do anything

14:16 18/10/2023
Sukhjit Purewal
Upload files





Response to Rowena

Posted By: suzy Miller on 29/09/2023 at 16:12

That mediator has come via your spouse I see – and they are local and have a good reputation. I don’t know that mediator personally but they are probably fine. 

However – I would have a chat also with Jo O’Sullivan who is a mediator, and a family law solicitor who never goes to court and who is on the Amicable Divorce Network directory. She’s based in Lewes and is very very experienced (she’s even written books about staying out of court).
Also, I would have a chat with Joanne who works a great deal online and also with couples where there is a ‘power difference’ shall we say!
I would have a chat with both of them as well as your husband’s suggestion, and see who YOU like best.

It’s an important choice and their main role is to help explain to Sean why your suggested (via the work you do with Henry) split of the finances makes sense. And also to put his point of view across as well.

Don’t rush into mediation UNTIL you have clarified what you want (Celia is great for that) and sorted out the best way to split the finances (Henry provides a specific service to prepare for mediation). No point paying for mediation until you have your ducks in a row (unless there are other things you need to discuss) and take the time to ‘interview’ the mediators to decide who you want to work with.

Shall I intro you to Joanne and Jo?

Best wishes

Suzy

P.S. This is the link to the UK directory you might want to share with your spouse. Basically, everyone on it has been vetted to be focused on staying out of court. It’s unique in that way. That doesn’t mean other mediators are not as good – but it’s a good pool to pick from! https://bit.ly/ADN-UK – you may want to share it with your husband as a resource?

Suzy x


Latest Comments 1

Yes please do introduce me to Joanne and Jo...and thanks for the perspective on finding a mediator and not rushing into it before working out what I want.. which really is challenging me but hopefully Celia will help this week..

23:42 02/10/2023
Rowena
Upload files





Meetup tomorrow

Posted By: suzy Miller on 27/09/2023 at 16:14

Is your divorce or co-parenting struggle sucking you dry of hope like a vampire?

I have some useful conversations to share I had with Our Family Wizard that can save legal fees on child access cases plus I’m interviewing new wellbeing professionals to introduce you to – but what kind of wellbeing support do you really want? Come and tell me!

Save this link for 8.35pm UK time, on the last Thursday of the month: Join Zoom Meeting

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85862036242?pwd=bVVOSk1wTnVLeU1kNkhidTl2TFVmQT09


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Response to Surinder

Posted By: suzy Miller on 25/09/2023 at 18:50

In response to your soon-to-be exe’s lawyer, telling you to get a lawyer, that is because you can get a lawyer who will then communicate by letter to his lawyer, and you get charged a significant amount every time. However, at this stage, I’m not clear on what the lawyer would do that, you can’t easily do yourself, which is simply respond to the divorce petition, with a yes, ensure that the petition records that a financial settlement is still needed (usually a box you tick) and that’s it for the admin.

To review your proposed financial agreement before it’s signed and submitted to ensure the court are likely to accept it – that’s useful. But right now the focus is to decide how YOU think (with Henry’s help) the assets should be split.

Shall I introduce you to Celia for a no-obligation chat so you have her as part of your virtual team, should you ever need her support?


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





What next?!

Posted By: SB on 24/09/2023 at 21:10

Hi Suzy, reconnected with Henry this week and sent figures to him and I’ve just been served with a divorce petition by T’s lawyer. I haven’t got a lawyer yet so guess I need to do that straight away! (our daughter just got married so been distracted by all that and now need to get on with this!) I also want to know what I’m entitled to by law – who can tell me that?


Latest Comments 3

Surinder! So - have I introduced you to Celia yet to focus on what you want / need in this next stage of your life? That clarity is important as Henry needs you to tell him what you want and his job is to help you find a way to make that work financially. What will you live off when you are no longer at working age for example? Where will you be living and what will your overheads be? How much do you need to earn and realistically how long could it be to get employment - if applicable - etc. A realistic assessment of your needs and how to not leave you with the house for example, but not enough money to run it etc. Celia is also an ex-family lawyer - which is handy! If getting the info for Henry is overwhelming I can intro you to a virtual PA to help. Intros to Mediators and legal advice on your final financial proposition - when you are ready for that, let me know. Would you like an intro to Celia for a no-obligation call? I think that would be a good step. Would you like me to set you up an account in dTour.life (it’s part of your subscription) where you can collate all the information in one tidy place and invite in Henry, the mediator etc - it saves a lot of sharing of email attachments and is more secure? If you need a 1-1 zoom session to clarify your strategy/plan here is the link but the above notes and talking to Celia and Henry (get him to do a pre-mediation financial cash-flow forecast to work out the best way to split the finances) - will probably be all you need for now! <a href="https://bestwaytodivorce.com/divorce-strategy/" target="_blank">https://bestwaytodivorce.com/divorce-strategy/</a>

22:31 24/09/2023
suzy Miller

P.S. Entitlement-wise - I need to know who you are first and I assume we’ve had a navigation call already? Confirm your name so I can check my notes and respond but generally it’s 50/50 (includes debts/assets/pensions) but more for whoever has the main responsibility for caring for kids in full time education - but Henry is the best person to help work out what is needed as there can be mitigating factors and essentially you want to be cutting a deal in mediation wherever possible.

21:25 24/09/2023
suzy Miller

Hi. Your profile says S.B. - can you give me your name please so I know who I’m responding to? If you see the pinned post at the top it tells you how to update your profile - or just sign your name at the end of a post? Receiving a divorce petition does not mean you need a lawyer for that. You just respond yes and make sure you confirm that there will be a financial arrangement to be made. It’s the admin part. With the petition accepted by the court that means you can get any financial agreement submitted at the interim order stage (usually takes a few weeks after the petition stage). So it’s a good impetus to move forwards. Full and frank financial disclosure is required and can be demanded if necessary once the petition has been accepted by the family court.

21:20 24/09/2023
suzy Miller
Upload files





Trust Fund/dTour.life

Posted By: Lee on 21/09/2023 at 11:39

Hi Suzy,

Do you have a trust fund specialist I could have a quick chat with?

Also, I’m still having an issue with dTour.life/phone number confirmation page.

I emailed them yesterday morning and have had no reply thus far.

I wondered if anyone else has had any similar issues.

Thanks,
Lee


Latest Comments 4

When you have agreed the financial split, because there are some complexities a straightforward clean break may not be appropriate, but if you use this service it includes legal advice and is very competitive price-wise, especially with the 10% discount: Managed consent order – handled by solicitors - £599  <a href="https://www.paidonresults.net/c/29703/1/388/0/divorce-services/consent-order-services/managed-clean-break-consent-order-service/" target="_blank">https://www.paidonresults.net/c/29703/1/388/0/divorce-services/consent-order-services/managed-clean-break-consent-order-service/</a> 10% discount code for you SOS23 By all means get quotes from other sources to compare, but make it clear you are simply wanting the Memorandum of Understanding created by the mediator (a summary of the financial agreement) turned into a Consent Order - nothing more. When you are ready to speak to mediators, let me know and I'll make some introductions. I recommend that you draft the co-parenting plan asap, and have a mediation just about the kids. This will help establish trust with the mediator and make it easier when you begin to talk about the money. If you need help with the co-parenting plan, I can introduce you to Jenni Rock, who is a Parenting Conflict Resolution specialist.

15:40 21/09/2023
suzy Miller

Glad to see you've made it into dTour.life - have fun putting in your financial information, including uploading into 'documents' your divorce petition etc. It will save Una, mediators and potential lawyers loads of time by you having everything in one place, and time is money! Also, I highly recommend that you begin filling in the Co-Parenting Plan template. It will help you to think through aspects that will impact the financial agreement. Also, sign up for the (free if you use the code) subscription to this co-parenting diary, and once you filled in the non-contentious everyday stuff you've already agreed, plus school holiday dates etc - and invite your STBX into the diary and say this is how you will communicate ongoing about the children. Keep a record in there of what you do for the kids, what hours and especially nights when you are 'in charge' etc - so there is a clear picture of your parenting commitments and how that could effect any career changes (if at all). Online Diary: WeParent is a family subscription, meaning one parent will sign up on behalf of both parents (and/or step-parents) <a href="https://weparent.app/" target="_blank">https://weparent.app/</a> PROREFER is the code to use

15:32 21/09/2023
suzy Miller

I'm in! Thanks for getting in touch with dTour.life Suzy. I'll make contact with Una re; my trust query. Thanks again, Lee

13:45 21/09/2023
Lee

Hello Lee. I'm chasing up dTour.life to get that sorted for you. Normally the issue is people don't put the phone number in, in the right format (the UK +44 should be chosen first and then you add in your number) - but I've not come across this issue re. a code via email not working yet. Always a first time for everything! I can find you a trust fund specialist but I would ask Una first, as she is very likely to have trusted professionals who create the legal aspect of a fund in her network. If she can't help, get back to me. Great that you are surging ahead Lee. Well done!

12:36 21/09/2023
suzy Miller
Upload files





AUGUST MEETUP – Celebrate you progress (even baby steps!)

Posted By: suzy Miller on 30/08/2023 at 19:31

Save this link for 8.35pm UK time, on the last Thursday of the month: Join Zoom Meeting 31 August 8.35pm

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85862036242?pwd=bVVOSk1wTnVLeU1kNkhidTl2TFVmQT09

See you there!


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Update re. Divorce Managment System dTour.life

Posted By: suzy Miller on 21/08/2023 at 17:14

The Marital Balance Worksheet now provides Equalization at any % you choose, so you can experiment with a 60/40 split, 55/45, etc.

If you are not yet using dTour.life – let me Show you how to make the most of it at the next Meetup 31 August.

It’s included as part of your subscription!


Latest Comments 0

Upload files





Some basic advice please

Posted By: SB on 20/08/2023 at 16:34

Made contact with the Financial Consultant now and just about to fill in the forms so that he can make some recommendations. One question is “Objectives” and I’m not sure what to write apart from the obvious that I want to be financially secure for the next x years and I do plan to earn some money. Any suggestions?
Also to stay in my house I need to earn some money to pay the bills or make it pay. I’ve thought of doing B&B and maybe hosting retreats/workshops. FC has asked if I can give him a rough figure of how much that might bring in so he can use it for his calculations. That’s pretty impossible I’d say – but what can I tell him?! Thanks Suzy


Latest Comments 2

P.S. Re. getting a Solicitor. Once you have both agreed on the financial split, then assuming that's via mediation, there will be a clear summary (a Memorandum of Understanding) which a solicitor can then turn into a Consent Order (this can be done most affordably using this company: <a href="https://www.paidonresults.net/c/29703/1/388/0/divorce-services/consent-order-services/clean-break-consent-order-service/" target="_blank">https://www.paidonresults.net/c/29703/1/388/0/divorce-services/consent-order-services/clean-break-consent-order-service/</a> ) This is for a Clean Break (no ongoing spousal payments). You should be able to get a 10% discount if you use the code SOS23 Ideally use solicitors who are part of the Amicable Divorce Network - or at least trained as mediators/collaborative lawyers - so they won't try to unpick your agreement. It can happen. Amicable Divorce Network UK link is here: <a href="https://bit.ly/ADN-UK" target="_blank">https://bit.ly/ADN-UK</a> When there is quite a lot of money/property at stake, it's best to get independent legal advice each (different lawyers) to 'stress test' your agreement, ask a few questions, so the court knows you both are fully aware of what you have agreed to, and won't be trying to change it at a later date. Then you can submit the final consent order yourself online, or through the company I linked to above as part of their package.

22:45 20/08/2023
suzy Miller

My suggestion is, to be really clear on those objectives. Whether it's a few sessions with a life coach or creating a vision board for the fridge - this is the time to focus on your aspirations. Your real wants - not just 'make do'. If the finances don't allow for the full monty - no worries - work with what you have, but aim for what you really want. Long term. Don't just see the financial settlement as a way to cut ties and get out. What you want long term will not only impact your financial plan, but it may significantly impact what you want to agree on as part of the financial settlement. Re. AirBnB and workshops - neither are solid income. Is there a part-time job you can get easily that will ensure you cover the bills? Then AirBnB and workshops can be holidays - not food and a roof over your head. By having a larger settlement up front - possibly forgoing some pension - will that make the running of the property easier to manage? And then what you lose in the pension is regained if you sell up later on? Don't feel you have to decide one single route. Use the financial planning to test out different ideas.

22:32 20/08/2023
suzy Miller
Upload files