Fantastic Apps & Resources
Don’t use the children as weapons
With thanks to the poet Clare Kirwan for her poem ‘Weapons’. “In the war of divorce – make peace your weapon of choice.” Suzy Miller: Best Way To Divorce
Simple ways to reduce co-parenting conflict
Co-Parenting Plan: SplitsMart
Create a co-parenting plan. I recommend you do this BEFORE you get into using an online diary. Set out the ground rules first. Have something solid to refer back to.
An amazing website for parents that allows you to create a detailed parenting plan without having to sit together for the whole thing (only for those bits that might need some help from a mediator if required) and it’s ideal to use it right at the beginning before anything is finalised.
Use the coupon code BESTWAY – it gets you down to only $10 one off cost to use the template, and create your own Parenting Plan.
Set the broad rules – what you’ve already agreed, and what you want to achieve (eg. agreements on sharing information about where the children are and always being able to contact them).
The results of this can be printed out and form the basis of a mediation, if agreement isn’t reach initially.
As well as the Parenting Plan, there is also a detailed way to work out the financial costs and the creator has designed this to reduce conflict between parents, and I think he’s done a great job.
If you want to access it I have a big discount code and the low annual cost has a $20 reduction if you use the code below (limited time offer).
The discount code is: BESTWAY
Our clear, step-by-step process helps couples organize parenting plans, schedules and child support in the best interest of the whole family.SplitSmart
Parenting Plans - Basic Templates
This link takes you to a choice of Parenting Plan templates. It’s always a good thing to do – make a plan! Use it as a basis for discussion – with a third party to support that discussion if needed (parenting coach/therapist/mediator).
Try to avoid it needing to become a legal document – and revisit it often as the children’s needs change.
CO-PARENTING ONLINE SHARED DIARIES
WeParent Online Shared Diary
WeParent is a family subscription, meaning one parent will sign up on behalf of both parents (and/or step-parents)
PROREFER is the code to use for both WeParent and Support Pay to get free access.WeParent Online Shared Diary
Our Family Wizard Online Shared Diary
If your co-parenting is high conflict or very toxic, you may need to use Our Family Wizard:
Our Family Wizard Online Shared Diary
Organising the finances:
SupportPay is an individual subscription, meaning each parent signs up on his or her own. Both may use the same code. SupportPay is most functional when used by both parents, as that allows for payment/receipt of support and expenses, communications between parents, and a dispute-resolution process. However, it is possible for one parent to utilize SupportPay unilaterally as a way to organize and manage their own records.
PROREFER is the code to use for both WeParent and Support Pay to get free access.
Please do not share this code. It’s only for your use.
Co-Parenting Booklet - different styles
Click to access:
A message from one of our resource users….
I’ve been doing some calculations on childcare costs as part of sorting out finances and I stumbled across this resource.
They have some reports containing very useful figures on the average costs of childcare for children younger than school age and also school age children up to 11 years. And even a percentage at which childcare costs are increasing each year! Very handy if you need to get your head around these kinds of costs.
Hope this is of use to anyone with young children.
Thank you Sally!!!
Not sure about child maintenance?
This is a good resource:
Families Need Fathers UK
A charity with a free helpline – they help mums too.
Especially helpful if you need to self represent in court.
Child Maintenance in England
Child Maintenance in England (links to other parts of UK are at the top of the article)
Child Maintenance England
Child Maintenance UK Update
The government’s 2018 response to the child maintenance compliance and arrears strategy consultation sets out proposals to ensure consistency amongst child maintenance deductions from benefits.
It proposes aligning child maintenance deductions from benefits at a maximum amount per week (£8.40), regardless of whether the deductions are towards ongoing maintenance or arrears. There will be further consistency by deducting arrears from all the benefits that ongoing maintenance can currently be deducted from.
It is also proposes to deduct child maintenance arrears and ongoing maintenance payments from Universal Credit for those with earnings who are liable to pay flat rate maintenance. This is an important change in line with a key principal of the child maintenance scheme that parents should help support their children regardless of their own financial circumstances.
New regulations are proposed which allow these deductions to also be made at the rate of £8.40 a week, aligning our treatment of these clients with others in a similar situation.
These changes also contribute towards meeting our commitment in the child maintenance compliance and arrears strategy to collect historic arrears where parents to whom these are owed want them and it is cost effective to do so. Only those parents whose historic arrears meet agreed thresholds will be in scope for deductions.
Child Maintenance UK Update
Need some help setting up the co-parenting template and diary?
I encourage all parents to use online co-parenting plan templates and online diaries that are specifically designed to help parents communicate about the children without texting, emailing or shouting down the phone.
It’s a great thing to do before mediation (or a reason to engage in mediation to refine the parenting plan) as this builds trust and communication in the mediation process BEFORE launching into the financials.
And what they do agree on in the parenting plan (no matter how small a % that is agreed on!) will inevitably impact the way the finances are split. So completing a plan should be job number one on the divorce to-do list.
Another great advantage is it helps parents put in clear boundaries early on which reduces bullying opportunities and again reduces conflict.
Parents are so overwhelmed though that I’m now not just directing them to the resources, but offering paid 90 minute sessions to get them up and running.
This is a one off (£175) 90min session with myself on zoom, specifically to get the parenting plan and online diary set up.Create a Co-Parenting Plan