First Aid: Part 2 (4min)

Homeopathic Arnica and Aconite

Simple and immediate ways you can 

steer yourself away from an adversarial divorce.

Bruised by divorce, and in a state of shock, symptoms can be both psychological and also physical, especially if you are in shock – you may even suffer from Sudden Divorce Syndrome.

Statistics on the physical as well as severe psychological side effects of divorce on people’s health are a bit scary, so better to focus on getting yourself surrounded by good influences and taking care of yourself during this stage, and accessing well-being experts to help you.

• Bruised by divorce, and in a state of shock

• Sudden Divorce Syndrome

• Surprising statistics on the physical as well as severe psychological side effects of divorce on people’s health

Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in “Eat, Pray, Love”: “The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn’t want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland.” 

But there are consequences when friends, family or work colleagues travel the journey of divorce or family breakup. And there is always a bit of a fuss.

Homeopathic Arnica and Aconite – Arnica for bruising (egos get bruised, hearts get bruised). Aconite is for shock – I used this quite a bit in the early stages of my own family breakup.

But according to the article, Sudden Divorce Syndrome, by John Sedgwick in Best Life Magazine, one in four men who were divorced in the previous year said they “never saw it coming. Only 14 percent of divorced women said they experienced the same unexpected shock. (i)

The term, “Sudden Divorce Syndrome,” implies that women throw out their marriage as impulsively as they change shoes. A man may be shocked by the news that his wife wants “out” but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t given plenty of warning. It usually means he wasn’t listening. While it is true that women may file more often than men, it does not necessarily follow that they WANT a divorce. They simply have surrendered the hope that the marital relationship can change. It is only after years of feeling ignored, devalued, invisible and unheard, do women finally pull the plug and file for divorce.

“Sudden Divorce Syndrome” assumes impulsive behaviour on the part of the woman. Nothing is further from the truth. Perhaps a better term would be “Shocked Divorce Syndrome.” That certainly is an accurate description of these men who find themselves blindsided.

Shock is the first stage you go through in divorce – so you may notice friends, family and work colleagues behaving as if “it hasn’t quite registered yet”, or they appear to be walking through a constant fog and to not really be their usual selves. It’s important to recognise this and not to expect the same level of performance. Divorce is a form of bereavement, with the same intensity of emotional and psychological effects.

Don’t underestimate the impact of shock on the mental and physical health of people dealing with divorce.

Dr. Ned Hostein, MD., a Harvard-trained public health specialist and the Board Chairman of Fathers and Families, explains that there is a physical toll from divorce brought on by excess stress. He notes: “The top 5 causes of human stress are: 1) the death of a child 2) the loss of a spouse 3) the loss of a home 4) serious financial woes and 5) losing a relationship with a child…Four of these five are involved when someone goes through a divorce… According to a study done by the American Journal of Psychiatry, blood pressure and cholesterol levels rise and the risk of heart disease and coronary failure increases sharply. Other problems associated with Sudden Divorce Syndrome include diabetes and cirrhosis of the liver, in part because distraught people may turn to unhealthy behaviours, like drinking, after a breakup. ”

Although divorce is a crisis and a profoundly stressful life event for many people, men and women react to the crisis and stress differently. Men sometimes kill themselves, but women (who often do attempt suicide) do not use such lethal weapons and have a higher survival rate. Divorced/separated men’s suicides in the US have been estimated to be 14,850. (ii)

Divorced men end up with twice as high a risk of suicide as their married counterparts.

So why do women seem to cope better?

Women form greater supportive networks, such as meaningful friendships at a higher level than men, and regardless of their marital status. So when their marital status changes, women have their friends.

So be aware of that amongst colleagues at work, for example. If you are going out – invite them to come along. If they don’t accept, at least they’ve been asked. Like bereavement, divorce tends to isolate people, because other people don’t know what to say or do. Please overcome your awkwardness – it could be a matter of life or death.

As David Arquette – who divorce Courtenay Cox in 2012 – so eloquently stated: “People that go through what I went through and people going through a divorce, it’s really a difficult process; it’s heartbreaking and it hurts really bad. It can really mess with your head.”

Sources:

(i) John Sedgwick in BestLife Magazine

1. (ii)Augustine Kposowa of the University of California at Riverside, “Marital Status and Suicide in the National Longitudinal Mortality Study,” published this month in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health considered data from the National Longitudinal Mortality Study, from 1979 to 1989.