C.A.L.M. SEAS: Intro (6min)
Dealing with Conflict, Creating an Extended Family, & “Changing your Mind”
Laying strong foundations for healthy co-parenting through divorce and separation is time well spent, and mostly it’s just a case of getting some good information and learning to think before you act! Damage limitation is sometimes the best we can hope for when things are really bad – and during the good times, we can actually begin to allow our families to extend beyond the boundaries of what we once thought possible.
The conflict between parents does not have to get out of hand – learn easy ways to avoid conflict.
One of the biggest excuses (I’m going to sound harsh for a minute but stay with me) is that ‘My ex is unreasonable’ or ‘We can’t communicate’ etc. But the fact is, none of us is at our best when going through family separation. When people have a strong emotional reaction to each other – or just don’t physically live in the same space anymore – then they need to learn new ways to keep the communication flowing.
A good thing to do is to create a strong parenting plan (talk to Parenting Experts, Mediators or access the template from Families Need Fathers) which will lay a good framework. There are online calendars that allow parents to organise the children without having to actually speak to each other (see our parenting resources section) and most of all, you now have the opportunity to ‘grow up’. A difficult Ex can only be totally destructive if you react and don’t learn ways to reduce the conflict. This is a fantastic personal development opportunity – so make the most of it!
Don’t let one angry parent ruin your parenting experience – top tips on how to ‘step out of the ring’
So what are the practical solutions to staying ‘out of the firing line’? On one end of the spectrum, if there is emotional or physical domestic abuse – then just getting in touch with Women’s Aid and making sure you and the children are safe, is a good start. For those where things are less threatening, then use Mediation as a way to find out what you CAN agree on. If you don’t want to sit in the same room as your Ex, use Shuttle mediation. Parenting experts can also help parents to ‘see sense’ and find ways that they can communicate without upsetting each other. When it comes to dealing with your Ex having a new relationship, then that involves more personal development, and learning ways to see things differently. Every time you look at your children, you will remember why this is all so worthwhile. Hard to begin with – but so rewarding once the benefits become evident to you!
Kids are resilient so they’ll be fine – or will they? Ensure you kids don’t become victims of your breakup
If you watch some of the videos about Parental Alienation, you will know that kids may be resilient, but they DO suffer long term harm if their parents are fighting. You are their role models. Teach them how to take a very difficult situation and over time, show how a civil and respectful relationship can evolve between their parents. It will be the best bit of parenting you may ever do – and it will give you the chance to learn just how amazing you can be.
Let your family become a healthy blended/extended family
Don’t use the children as weapons. If you can learn to co-parent without resorting to slagging off the other parent or using them as a weapon in a war you cannot win, then you will ultimately succeed. What is vital is to stop seeing yourself as the ‘victim’. Where is the power in that? One way many of us have stepped into our power is by using tools such as working with a life coach and using meditations and EFT.
Download Parenting After Parting Book
Voices in the Middle: Resources for Children
SuzyMillerCreator of Best Way To Divorce. International Divorce Divorce Strategist and TEDx Speaker.
6th March 2022
1st January 1970