How You Can Put Your Children First During a Divorce*
How You Can Put Your Children First During a Divorce*
Divorce is hard no matter who you are. For parents, it is the end of a relationship and a life together. But you also need to consider how it impacts the children, especially for younger children. Often, it’s easy to get wrapped up in your own drama and your problems with your partner. But, while you are entitled to your feelings, you mustn’t act at the expense of your kids. You must put your children first during a divorce, and here is how you can make that possible.
Use Appropriate Language
Young children can be more intuitive than you expect, so don’t insult them by lying to them or skirting around the truth. They will want to know the truth about what is happening, and perhaps even other details, too. You owe them enough to explain the situation in words that they can understand. Older kids and teenagers may not need too much explanation, but those under seven years old may struggle to conceptualize why they are seeing changes in their home life.
Don’t Argue In Front of Them
The final days of a marriage can be stressful, especially if you still live under the same roof as your partner despite an agreed separation. Although tensions will be high, you should still make sure you do not allow tempers to flare or arguments to start in front of them. This can affect their view of relationships and even see a side that you wouldn’t want them to see. Even if they are aware of a divorce, you still want to ensure their memories are happy ones, rather than ones where your partner is at war with each other over the smallest things.
Look at The Situation Through Their Eyes
It can be easy to assume that your child will accept that you are getting divorced, but that is not the case. If they seem to be struggling with the new situation, consider looking at the situation through their eyes. This will help you get a better idea of what they are feeling and how they are processing everything, which will allow you to be more sensitive when talking to them.
Remember Their Best Interests
Parents can too often use children as pawns i9n their divorce. They use the kids to hurt the other, especially if the marriage has ended on the sourest terms. This doesn’t do anybody any good, though, so you must remember their best interests. Hopefully, you and your partner are mature enough to work out the finer details, but if not, a child custody calculator is a fantastic and (more importantly) fair way to come to an agreement that best suits you and your children. This approach will prevent further problems and ensure you can keep your child happy.
Them Before Anything Else
Just because your marriage is ending does not mean you should forget about your children. Whether they are younger or older, you need to ensure they understand what has happened and why it has happened. This will help keep your mind strong and enable you to maintain a healthy relationship.
* This is a contributed post and may contain affiliate links
suzyMillerCreator of Best Way To Divorce. International Divorce Divorce Strategist and TEDx Speaker.
6th March 2022
2nd March 2024
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