How To Date After A Divorce*
How To Date After A Divorce*
Dating after a divorce can be hard to feel ready for. If you’ve been hurt in your divorce, it can be frightening to trust someone again and let them into your life. Perhaps it’s just been a long time since you dated if you were married for a while, and you’re not sure how to go about meeting new people, or aren’t sure what dating is like now. It’s natural to feel nervous. Here are some tips to help you date after divorce with confidence.
Know That Chemistry Doesn’t Always Mean A Long-Term Connection
When you’re new to dating again, it can be easy to be fooled into feeling an attachment to someone who isn’t actually right for you. Be smart about who you choose to date and who you pass on.
When you get back into dating after a long-term monogamous relationship, especially if your marriage ended badly, it’s natural to feel like you really want a spark-filled, exciting romance. However, you shouldn’t discount a slow burn.
When dating after divorce, it’s easy to prioritise someone that you feel immediate chemistry with. Remember that chemistry can grow over time, and it might take a few dates to grow.
Make Sure You’re Actually Over Your Ex And Ready To Date
You might have signed your divorce papers, but that doesn’t mean that you have moved on yet. Moving on takes time, but if you still can’t stop talking or thinking about your ex, whether you’re praising or hating them, you probably need a little more time before you’re ready to date.
You need to give yourself enough time to heal before you can start a healthy relationship with someone new. Try to be patient with yourself and take all the time you need. Don’t let anyone, like friends or family, who may mean well push you into dating before you’re ready.
Watch Out For Anyone Who Seems Too Perfect
At the end of a marriage, most people will feel in need of some validation or affection. It’s natural to feel this way, but it can open you up to being taken advantage of. Look out for the warning signs. Someone who seems too good to be true probably is.
It might seem counter-intuitive, but if someone ticks all of your boxes, showers you with gifts, texts, or calls all the time, pushes for a quick commitment like arranging a spouse visa, makes big promises, or wants to be the only person in your life, then you could be dealing with someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
Of course, there is a possibility that you really have met someone that perfect, but the reality is that there are a lot of people out there who aim to take advantage of people and being older doesn’t make you immune.
A good way to stay safe is to ask a friend or other loved one to give you a regular reality check. An outside perspective can help.
* contributed post
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6th March 2022
4th June 2023
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