Does Childbirth Trigger Divorce?
Does Childbirth Trigger Divorce?
Demographic studies show that more than 40 percent of children born to two parents can expect to live in a single-parent family by the time they are 18. Parenthood seems to provoke the spike in the divorce and separation statistics, with roughly a fifth of all marriages ending within five years after the birth of the first child.
Can the birth of a child trigger divorce?
In the video, Catherine – mother of 4 – shares her experiences, and we receive guidance on better ways to support women and their partners through the birth process and beyond from Birth Doulas Amanda Edwards and Gemma Harvey.
Some people end a relationship because one wanted kids, and the other one didn’t. But what happens when parents want kids – until they are actually born – and then the relationship begins to falter? Can the actual birth experience be to blame? And what can parents do to prepare themselves?
In one study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, 67% of couples experienced a drop in marital satisfaction within the first three years of a baby’s birth – and the start of that process is the birth itself.
Research has found that couples whose first child is a girl are more likely to divorce than those whose firstborn is a boy. But a 2014 Duke University study suggests that, instead of daughters somehow “triggering” divorce, girls may simply be hardier than boys in the womb—and may be more likely to survive pregnancies stressed by a troubled marriage.
People change profoundly when they become parents, and now that both tend to work longer hours than ever before, they rarely find time for themselves, let alone for each other.
“Once we had a family, finding time to do our work was always a problem,’ says divorcee Joyce. ‘Money was always a problem. Childcare was a problem. Sex was a problem. Communications between the two of us broke down under the pressures of family life. I nagged, he refused to talk.”
Birth Doulas and Mandalas
The experience of birth can have an impact on relationships – that is clear. But if mothers like Catherine in the video, could receive a more holistic and less solely medical level of support, that could be a way to make the birth experience, and the ability parents find to deal with this huge life change, easier to navigate.
Whether it is creating a Birth Mandala, working with a Happiness Coach or having a Doula to support both parents through the birth, there are more choices available to most parents than they realise.
The pressures on couples that can lead to a divorce are not caused by the birth of a baby – they are caused by the inevitable pressures of parenting in a world that may have lost it’s way, and forgotten that childbirth is not a mechanical act – but a mystical process – and one that requires a more emotionally intelligent approach in the care and support of those parents who receive those squirming, screaming, sacred beings into their world.
Alternative Divorce Guide
A film by Suzy Miller
With thanks to:
Amanda Edwards: Acupuncturist, Doula and Happiness Coach
Gemma Harvey: Doula and Mandala Artist
Catherine Forbes: Mother of 4
Music from 12 Months
Other music from Rights Free sources.
SuzyMillerCreator of Best Way To Divorce. International Divorce Divorce Strategist and TEDx Speaker.
6th March 2022
4th June 2023
Your Relationship Guru: Celia Conrad
Your Relationship Guru: Celia Conrad Helping you heal from the pain of break-up and personal loss and create positive lasting change. Celia Conrad is a relationship expert. She has a diploma in relationship coaching, is an accredited break-up and divorce coach practitioner and master practitioner (specialising in domestic abuse), a certified grief educator and certified […]Read More
Parenting Conflict Resolution Expert: Jenni Rock Coaching
Jenni Rock Coaching Parenting Conflict Resolution Expert I help those parents to escape the war that started with their Divorce Proceedings I spent 15 years living with a very challenging person who taught me the kind of relationship I never wanted to have again. Once that ended, we had to co-parent as best we could. […]Read More
Does your Workplace have a Separating Families Policy for Divorcing Parents?
Did you know that in a 2014 study for the Nashville Business Journal, they found that in the 6 months leading up to and during the year of a divorce, an employee’s productivity is reduced by 40% and will suffer on some level for the next 7 years. Not only that, but there is an impact on the […]Read More
Infidelity? It’s none of my business
The shock of the breakup was so sudden, so extreme, that normal behaviour would have seemed inappropriate The events that lead up to it should have left clues, but they didn’t register: The bank letters addressed in his name that I didn’t open because I’d learned that it was, apparently, none of my […]Read More
A Strange Gift: Unplanned Solo Parenting It’s a January morning in 2003 and I can’t bring myself to take the kids to school. What will I say when someone asks me “How are you?” The answer, you see, is just not the stuff of polite conversation. “W E L L… My partner of […]Read More
what is family arbitration?
Family arbitration can be a powerful tool in the peace toolbox, whether you are divorcing in the UK, US, Australia, Canada – or anywhere else arbitration exists. Compared to going to court, arbitration – also known as having a ‘private judge’ – saves the money and a whole load of time. What’s really important, is […]Read More
why should I do a DIY divorce?
Online divorce or – even cheaper – just going to get the paperwork from the courts and doing it all yourself – is the least expensive way to get a divorce, providing neither party is going to disagree with any aspect of the divorce. In other words, if you have no complicated assets – like pensions […]Read More
what is DIY divorce?
There are two varieties: DIY out of court – which means you get the necessary paperwork from your local family courthouse, fill it in, submit the forms and if both of you agree on everything then hey presto, it’s all done and dusted. Of course you will need to wait two years after an official separation […]Read More